Why can't you be horrible and full of unforgivable flaws?
Why does it gets worse and not better inside my stupid, devoted heart?
Why do you still feel the same to me?
Your skin hasn't lost that scent I knew
The scent I still know and can remember by simply closing my eyes
The scent I still desire and find familiar
Even if it really never was

Words are just broken meanings
Just constantly taking beatings.
Slowly they begin to die
More and more with every lie.
Always said and always misused
Till soon enough their souls are skewed
And they now mean nothing to you.

I can’t be the girl
that’s got it all together
managing all that life throws at her
and still keeping a smile on her face
I’m the girl with a panic attack around every corner
who manages to turn a small task
into a mental breakdown

I can’t be the girl
who’s happy just to be on this earth
smiling at your sweet words
even on the worst of days
I’m the girl that wakes up most days
wishing she never existed
because that would be better
than living as a complete failure

I can’t be the girl
who believes you when you say
“i love you”
accepting your compliments
and knowing she is beautiful
I’m the girl that sees every part of herself as a flaw
and can’t understand how you could love
someone completely worthless

I can’t be that girl.
I'm just me.

I rather sit in a coffee shop in a small town, and sip on my latte and look at the pretty people walking by.
I rather dance in the rain with my friends then hide out from one of the simplest pleasures of life.
I rather have a deep conversation with someone about life, death and the passion that lie with themselves.
I rather go to a little joint to see a up and coming band, because I know one day this band is going to make it big.
I rather get roses on random days, than get roses on the one day of the year that people actually care.
I rather sit in my room at 2 am in the morning burning candles and drinking tea and reminiscing on my life.
I rather be alone sometimes, and not be bothered.
I rather be well known for the poems I write, the books I publish, the opinions I produce, and the mind behind it all.
I rather have something to live for, something to give me a purpose to breathe air, I rather have that reason be myself, because what lies ahead of me is hope for a tomorrow.