I do not know what exactly I desire in this complicated world, only that there are moments in which I wish I didn't exist.
Death is too complicated,  I would rather just
disappear.
into a slumber that lasts for the rest of my life.
life is too difficult, nor is it any fun, I'm not even sure it ever was.


Love is the only thing worth living for, and even that hurts.

in the midst of writing my feelings I feel my soul separate from me and bleed onto the pages,
a sort of astral projection with words.
poetry is an escape
it is my therapist
my one way ticket to freedom

it is
it was
it will
always be you
the moon whispers to me in a soft voice, telling me to be patient
because it is you,
it is you I will wait for until my knuckles bleed and until my breath becomes so irregular there are moments where I fear death is too close for comfort
my dreams are constant reminders as to why I sleep,
as to why I wake up
I know there is love out there worth living for
worth bleeding for
worth fighting for
that love is embedded in you
in your soul
and caressed around your lungs
I am at war with time,
time is what keeps us apart
but with the help of the stars in the night sky that accompany the moon
we will meet
and when we do
i will no longer be able to tell dreams from reality
and that my dear,
is why
it is always you

I'm sitting in the corner of a dark room, where the only light visible is the moonlight
I'm shaking, the touch of his skin is stuck to me like a tattoo
and my bloodstained shirt from last nights war is sticking on my skin.
my breathing begins to grow more rapid, I forget how to breathe in moments like these
he. he's the one who haunts my dreams, eating my mind alive with the poisonous hopes of someday meeting
I am tired and hopeless. I am in love and hurt.
these dreams are what keep my alive, while killing a part of me each night
how long will I last like this?
the memories will always find its way into my mind, weaving it's way inside my brain and coressing it with the horrifying yet beautiful images of him.
but he only exists in my dreams, and the only sound being made in my small apartment is my heavy breathing
reality is my worst enemy
I want to escape in lucid dreams every night, because with him,
i'm no longer hopeless