When I was younger
I liked to spin and spin
I would get dizzy and fall
and I would laugh
because things were good
and life was kind

When I was a little older
I liked to follow my brother around
I would get tired and fall
because no matter how hard I tried
I couldn't keep up
but things were good
and life was kind

The day I became a teenager
I began to internalize
and I would get dizzy and fall
because I was different
things were not good
but life was still kind

When I was a little older
I made peace with my struggles
I got light headed and cried
God made me different
but things were good
and life was kind

When I became an adult
I met my first love
We would kiss and I would fall
because I knew he would catch me
things were very good
and life was kind

When  I was a little older
I made too many mistakes
I was so sorry but I didn't fall
because I had ruined his life
and mine
and there's nothing to be done
things got really bad
and life was not kind

Now the days go by
but things are different now
and when I think about it all
I get dizzy and I do fall
because not a day goes by
that I don't think of you
and how sorry I am
for the idiot I was

but life goes on
there's not too much I can do
the little that could
was done
and we've moved on

The day I'm a little older
I'm sure I will see you that day
and I will probably get dizzy and fall
but I hope enough time has passed
where we are able to smile
because things are good
and life is once again kind

As a child I was taught poetry
the quiet writing of feelings reflections
often in a beat with a rhyme and a few examples of alliteration

I was taught that as a woman my feelings
should be hid and kept quiet
that when I liked a boy it was not my place
to ask him whether he liked me back
I was taught to look out for myself by not dressing slutty
not walking home late at night
I was taught that my curvy figure would make people
question my morals my virginity my character
I was taught that as a girl I won't be as successful in math or science
I was taught to give myself to other pursuits
in liberal arts or domestic dealings
I was taught that even if by some miracle I found success in the fields where I "wouldn't be successful"
that I would and should give it up in a heart beat to raise a family
I was taught that I must share my feelings
my emotions my struggles
but not in a loud and open way

I had to remain quiet cool composed

Poetry was to be my outlet, written in couplets sonnets and verse
quiet and held inside written on paper
stored away from the world
to be read inside the mind
by others- men, teachers, parents
in order to decode me
and learn how to
keep
me

silent

There are moments in life.
Then there are moments, in life.
It's a gift to know exactly when
you discovered what love really is.
It was laying ear to ear with you,
So quiet I can almost hear your thoughts.
Cheeks pressed together,
yours so much softer than mine.
Laying, our backs on the cooled pavement
watching the sky spread out,
and the world roll over.
It's knowing I see you in a way few if any will.
A beauty that stretches past words.
Unfindable in any magazine or movie.
A living breathing diamond.
Intangible and unequaled.
It was the late night rides with the windows down.
The heat of the day dying on the breath of the wind.
The entire air charged with nostalgia.
Full of thoughts of friends and memories and feelings.
Watching the headlights cut the darkest parts of the night.
Thinking I'd die before I could find a way
to explain exactly what you mean to me,
but knowing I'd never be so happy to try for the rest of life itself.