You'll see me when the tides roll out,
in a heavy downpour
at the heart of the spout.
Catch me in the grave of pine,
trees like tombstones
roots in my spine.
Follow me past the end of the page,
till the ink bleeds out
and you fray with age.
I'll wait beneath an august sky,
my heart will be wet,
yet unthirstably dry.

Once I stood upon a clifftop
where the wind rose up to brush my face
my cheek,
blowing my hair behind me.
It opened up my heart to feel,
as if
God himself was coming at my heel.

As if I stood on the edge of time,
glimpsed beyond life itself,
  heard the cry of gulls
beneath my feet,
howling some anguished message
in their desperate frenzy to eat.

I breathed the Ocean's scent
saw it's deep blue green erupt,
as it hit the hard rocks of time,
unbowed and unbent,
not to be tamed,broken or trapped,
mysteries remaining untapped,
forever.
perhaps only to be caught in my imagination,
like a photo, a painting,a dedication
for memories sake.

This magic,this ocean deep,
this pure,good energy,that heals and soothes,
the horizon,
where the water meets the skies,
these things,
I found
within your eyes.

My favorite thing to do
When I miss you
Is to climb to the top
Of my roof at sunset
Where we used to sit
And be engulfed in the beauty of
The never ending sky;

And just as your favorite song
Begins to play
And the scent of you lingers
In the air,
For a brief moment
The sky turns a mixture
Of the most beautiful pink and orange
Which then suddenly disappears.

And it is almost
As if the sky is telling me
That all beauty is ephemeral.

In the beginning we started out the same.
But do you realize that now, we are the total opposites?

Do you crave to travel? Move to different places year after year, and interact with different races, learning their new cultures? Because I’m so sick of these long flights, wandering aimlessly without a place to stay.

You were my safe haven. One that I thought would never change.
Anyone but you. Anyone in the world but you.
You were the only person I could look back to see that nothing had changed. You were the only person that could not be changed. You should have been exactly the same way I left you. You were supposed to be there, reminding me of where I was from.

You were my only hope. You see, I no longer know who I am.

Please, remind me of the girl I used to be. But love, you won’t know. You will never know who I really am, or what I’ve done, or what I’ve seen. I'm so confused. I know you are too. We're both confused. We are too young to figure out the exact moment life started to change.

It was good, wasn't it? Good old days. At least it was for me. Holding hands, sharing our memories, we were invincible you and me. We shared the same sky. We had the same blood.

Are you sick of your life? You've had the same house, same school, and same familiar people from the day you were born. I bet you have never even been on a plane. Are you looking for a way out?

Because all I wish for is a place to go back, without feeling lost. I want to surround myself with people I've known for years, streets I've known by heart, and a home that brings me comfort. That is all I want. I'm sick of being the new girl who comes and goes. I wish to stay.

I remember. Holding hands, we roamed around the streets like we ruled the city. The whole world was ours. I miss the smell of the morning air in the mountains. Miss the smell of cool rain drops in summer air, and sliding the snow hills on top of cardboard papers. You might not remember all these. You might not care. You might have never even thought of them before. But for me, these memories are always in my head, being constantly replayed on my mind. I treasure them so much. I will always miss those times.

To me, you were a flower, stuck on the ground, blooming in the spring and withering in the winter. I must have been a butterfly, who bloomed flowers like you, without even a place to stay. I'm still wandering, looking for a place to rest.

Do you understand what I'm talking about? Can you even hear me? I am not the girl you used to know. I am not the girl you‘ve known all your life. I've seen so many things, things that I shouldn’t have seen. Known things I shouldn’t even have known, said things I could never take back. I’m scared. I've changed so much that I don't even recognize my own self. I’m scared. I’m scared. I’m so ******* scared. Help me. I need you. Talk to me. I'm so lonely. Do you feel my loneliness?

Please don't treat me like everybody else. I'm supposed to be different. We are supposed to be real. We have the same blood. We were from the same place. We started out the same. We had grown up together.

How did we ever come to this? I know you. I know us. This world is not what we thought it would be. But please, don't be a stranger. *You of anyone.

When my wife, Karen, passed away nearly eight years ago, our son, Russ, and the grand-children, Evan and Emily, wanted me to move to the town where they live, about 20 miles north of Dallas. I agreed it would be best. It is the best decision I ever made.
After scheduling the moving day, Russ, Evan, Emily arrived to help me pack. In the process I pulled out the box that held my private documents which contained my will and insurance policies. I turned to Russ and said, "while I'm thinking about it, you keep these in your files",  and handed them to him. Obviously, his mind was on watching the kids, and he replied, "why are you giving them to me?" I looked at him, " now think about it, I'm not the one who's going to need'em."

So far, they remain untouched.

copyright: richard riddle June 16, 2015