Once you admit that you love her,
that's when she'll go missing -

I have spent this long summer hiding within you clutch,
betwixt by your sight, and encouraged by your mind -
I've been hiding in our love-story,
lost in a world where another morning, is another glory -
a real life, fairy tale story.
Whether it rains, or the sun shines
it doesn't matter because I have you by my side -

I forgot about the hourglass on the kitchen table,
smooth sand, silently secretly gliding -
if you watch hard you can see the shift,
shift of the grain, the hour and minute
so when I saw it this morning, hidden under books, papers, ideas and wisdom I could not help but shiver
You handed me coffee thinking me cold,
but come Monday morning, this tale will stale and old -

I cannot remember the last time someone looked at me like that,
just as you do -
with curious eyes full of awe and wonder,
looking at me as if there was no one else they'd rather see.
Soaking up each line on my face,
the shift of my eyes, the creases gained from my smile -

Once you had looked at me enough
confident, there never would be an inch of my face you didn't recognise
You pulled me close, wrapping me into your arms -
your life, your heart!
My world was consumed by you,
your magnetic pull, your strength, your smell
so that I was surrounded by the depth of your breath,
the rise and fall of your beautiful chest.

When the hour came, under the lampshade of this old creaking tree,
while the rare Irish sun shun above, so warm and sweet,
I believed you as you whispered those three innocent words, times by three -
and in that moment never more in love with you could I be.

Its tiring really,
the continual questioning
of why my nickname
has no reflection of my actual name.
I always come up with some sort of
half thought reckless excuse.

The real reason however?
That is the name my boyfriend
had me saved as on his phone,
so his friends would never know
it was me he was seeing.

Kind of pathetic really.

Every time we go a little longer between seeing each other,
Or you take your time replying
My heart skips a little faster
And I begin to panic.
I worry that you've copped on
To realising that I am merely a fraud -
I seem lovable at the start,
But by the time I'm falling for you,
Really falling,
You've realised I'm not that lovable at all.

I'm all scars, faded wounds that still burn deeply and lost amongst my insecurities.

I dreamt of you last night,
like I have done on so many other nights.
This dream was different,
it didn't wake me
in the chilling dark of night
through my own blood curdled screams
leaving pangs of aching agony.

When the smoke cleared
and I broke through
the milky darkness
there stood this little girl,
and I knew that she was you.

I couldn't move,
this dream it felt so real
I was shock-frozen,
at the sight of you -
a mini me,
but with brown eyes instead of blue.

And before I got the chance to grab you,
to tuck you into my arms
and keep you there forever,
you instinctively knew
delicately touching the water
and as it began to ripple
so I floated away -
away from the smokey ghost world
and back to sitting by your grave.