To you

I'm not really sure how I'll start this letter, which is a first since you know I love writing them. I'm trying to picture your reaction as you read these words, and I am both relieved and frightened. Relieved, because I finally have what I have been wanting to say for months off my chest. Frightened, because I may be making a grave mistake that I'll surely suffer the consequences of later.

You are like a drug to me. You're not good for me, and I'm not good for you. Yet I keep wanting you, missing you, craving your presence. You still take up about 90% of the thoughts in my mind and I wake up, every morning, thinking about you. I've been doing that for months, and I wonder when I'll stop, and it scares me to know that it may not be for a while.

Is there a reason for this letter? Yes, there is. I need you to know the words I have never told you. If I had to die tomorrow, I can promise you this: I'll die regretting not having told you this. You meant so much to me, and yet somehow you still do. Everywhere I go, you seem to follow me, haunting me like a ghost. And, to be completely frank, I deserve better than you. And I felt like you never appreciated me, but at the same time, it was my fault for not showing you who the true me was. I was always scared, so stupidly scared. I never showed you my true ability to love, and for that I am sorry.

I don't exactly know what I'm asking for you, or if I'm asking for anything at all. But know this - I miss you, and if I could redo our time together, I would.

I hope you have a good life. It hurts me to know I won't be apart of it. But hey, people come and go. That's life. Maybe we will both find someone better.

- Someone who was once your everything x

I wake up everyday
with an urge that makes my heart run
Gives me the energy to stand up.

Im sorry
Is not you
neither him
is it.

I found real love
in the corner of the street
In the road while I drive
In the smile of a kid
In the songs that my radio plays
In the mirror of my bathroom

I found real love
In the place I never went before
In the moment I never thought
In the song I never heard
and in the person I never met before

I'm still learning how to fill my body.
Let alone the universe
What kind of space do I take up?
Not enough.
The answer is always "not enough".
On the couch I curl my body
Until I'm camouflage.
I sleep alone on my bed
Leaving room for entire cities
I walk down busy streets
Dodging bodies and buildings
Like I might ignite them.
My voice is a cracked window
Down the street from my soul.
In bright rooms
I dance in shades of black and white
With feet that don't quite fill my shoes.
Yet my poems use the reddest colors of the solar system
On pages too small for my pen

What to do with a mind that is in a million different places at once?

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The above 20 lines are in invisible ink
It took me all day, tell me, what do you think?