I got two hours of sleep last night

No, it wasn’t because I was working on the essay that was due today
I couldn’t care less about the essay

Actually, I could
Because I care too much about everything
and that’s why I was up all night

I’ve spent countless sleepless nights worrying about every moment that’s gone wrong
Wincing about every word I stuttered over
Analyzing every glance I received
And it makes me wake up with bruises underneath my eyes

My mom didn’t make me go to school today, even though she knew I should
She wants to scream at me to get out of bed, to do something with myself
But I think my empty stare and my cheeks stained raw like a ripe pomegranate
stop her from making me do anything

I haven’t washed my hair in three days
The thought of leaving my room ties a knot in my stomach that can’t be undone
And why doesn’t my dad understand
That I don’t feel like dragging my body around because it’s as if it’s a bag of sand?

My doctor told me that I have anxiety
headaches
trembling
nausea
lightheadedness
trouble swallowing food
excessive, o  n  g  o  i  n  g worrying and tension
difficulty concentrating
trouble falling asleep
                                       or
                                              staying
        ­                                                     asleep

I didn’t get to sleep tonight

Bats, spiders, and rats form on my tongue
they crawl down my throat and live in my lungs

Cobwebs, moths, and dirt course through my veins
they nestle in my brain and make me insane

The flowers I've spent months watering start to wither away
Why did you lie when you said it would all be okay?

These weeds inside me were born from idiosyncrasies
And they make it way too hard to ******* breathe

My skull is cracked, bones are shattered, it leaves me scarred
This garden looks more like a graveyard