I wish to be your blanket
I wish to be your warmth
I wish to be your protection
I wish to be there for you when your cold

I wish to be a blanket
But sometimes I wish more
And that's when it gets sore
Cause you aren't my blanket
When I'm feeling cold
And so I find warmth
In keeping you warm

I wish to be your blanket
I wish to make you happy
And sometimes I wish I wouldn't wish more

You know when you get food poisoning and you have to rest your stomach and eat small portions of easy to digest foods for a while till your stomach can digest normally again .

As cheesy as it may sound but I had a soul and emotion poisoning .
And I keep digesting ****** horrible horrible horrible food for my soul .. so how can it heal .
How can I be real again
How can I be here?
How can I be here
How can I exist
When my soul is poisoned

And if we traveled

                                Traveled the world

And if we drove Fast

                                 Windows down

                                                           Music loud

And if we had Time..  Time ...   Time ..


And all the money we wanted


How would it feel ?

Would it feel better than now

Or would the sadness still come around ?

2014 this is a good bye
I know I won't be able to change you
I won't be able to explain to you why
Why we were on the run and why I never had the time

2014 you're like him
You left me paralyzed
Identity crisis
But our photos won't lie

These pictures say we are happy
These pictures say we are young
And these pictures won't lie

2014 I can't call you up
I can't see you
cause you're gone now
you aren't mine

but these pictures say we were happy
these pictures say we were young
and these pictures don't lie

See I replay that silly video that I have
Over and over and over

I might have created a connection deeper than the one you have
Cause I keep replying that video and I laugh

But right now you've gone MIA
And I keep reaching to you
Cause I have so much I wanna say

But you got your ropes tide loose
And you've got so many you can choose

But don't you know that you define me now
don't you know that you've marked me now
don't you know that I'm fragile ..

I don't want to go through this hassle
but I tie my ropes tight
and you're the one that let yourself inside
inside of my soul
I had no Control
I let my feelings rule

But do I want to let my mind rule ?
That kind of life makes no sense to me
it's the love in this life that will set you free
while  my love for you has caged me
Cause
I don't know
I don't know
I don't know
what to do when you're not here

so I keep replying this video of us
and I laugh
and I have created a deeper connection than the one you have

And all of this might not be true
but I just .. I just miss you

you can't play me like that
keep giving me hope then disappear like that
and I can't say that
cause you don't let me through
even though I let you


Limbo is the state you have me stuck at
so I keep replying this video of us
and I laugh ..

Grin till the wrinkles find their place
find their space to mark their trace
The trace of every struggle you couldn't get through
So you grin, grin so they can notice you
Have you seen what I've been through ?
And so you grin to make them understand understand how steep this uphill battle is
Grin grin in their faces, just in case they have missed
Grin till it wrinkles your face
Grin till it leaves a trace
Have you not seen what I've been through ?
If you haven't my face is the proof .

I thought if I ever got this lost
Someone or something would find me

I thought if I ever felt this low
I might just drop dead and die

But the thing about life is that it keeps going
It doesn't care how you survive

And the thing about you is that you don't care enough
And the thing about me is that I keep hoping you will
And my hope you ****
every time .

And if the Sun keeps burning
Then I can keep  going
Even if I burn alive knowing
Every word you said every body movement you did
Every place the thought of you took me to was meant to bring me back on my knees begging

It's a circle that keeps going
I know you I've known but somehow I lost my knowing
I love you I've loved you but somehow I lost my loving
you reach through me you've reached through me but somehow you've decided to rip out you're roots that've  reached deep through me

but it's a cycle so roots keep growing
and I keep knowing that I know better than this
and I keep asking where and what I have missed
and I keep blaming myself

I've buried myself in this list of things I need to be  doing
Buried so deep that my dreams stopped showing

I used to know myself but somehow I've lost my knowing
I can't tell if I'm fragile or this weight on my shoulders just keeps growing

but if the Sun
if the sun keeps burning
then I can keep **going

I know we are close
But we are never close enough

I wanna be closer
I wanna be the cells inside your bones

Maybe then
I'd feel close enough

What didn't **** me made me weaker

I don't think full thoughts anymore
More like random words or useless fragments.

I don't think I can tolerate anymore small talks or deep statements.  
I don't believe your shallow mind or your profound engagement.

I don't believe in anyone
I thought if I ever felt this low I would just drop dead and die.

But the thing about life is that it keeps going it doesn't care how you survive
And the thing about me right now is I don't know how to survive , let alone learn to live my life.    

And the thing is I'm young,  and to many I'm considered to have a good life.

To those who do drop dead and die . Maybe if you had my life you would have lived it better or maybe you would have felt the same way I feel.

I am blessed its real.

But I can't I can't I can't shake off this heavy feeling

And I do I do I do have my reasons

And you might not see them but if you had my life you would believe them.

Foggy days
My mind lost in a haze
I can't say what you want me to say
I can't be here I can't be present.

Eyes looking right at me

Lost can you find me

Walks slow

hands cold

It's all on her mind she hasn't let it go

It dances inside her

the loudness inside her

the questions inside her

she hasn't let it go

Amplify the distractions

Strong standing

lose yourself in distractions

State your mind

You're made of rainbows and wine

state your mind

Don't give a **** if you've crossed the line

cause baby you're made of rainbows and wine

You are
you are

the pretty stars at midnight

And every bit of you
is something true

Deep as the ocean
Even your tears are blue

every inch of you
is different
every piece is new

Your soul is paradise
I want to live in you

you are so true
you are so true

very bit of you

Your tears are drops of the ocean
and who doesn't love the deep blue

Your tears are drops of the ocean
and who doesn't love the deep blue

You cant be hurt
is what their face have wrote
on my skin
why are you hurt
is a question they keep
Conveying

you know what's worst than dying
is laying there in a bed
so ill
your trying so hard to get on your feet and stand still
U have got all the will .
but their ignorance
their deep ignorance
is an everyday drill

Has the paranoia slipped in yet
do you think its you
why are you feeling this
you must be too sensitive
you must be self obsessed
it must be all in your head

Why are you acting out ?


you can't be hurt

why are you hurt?

You're too emotional

And the worst you get
the worst they get

Take a step back trust your emotions and Tell them
******* :)

We have grown harder to love
We've grown broken yet tough
We are puzzle pieces and each puzzle piece is someone's mark left on us

20 years and still a puzzle piece is missing
Cause right now this picture looks like a great deal of nothing
It needs that one piece
and it will make sense

20 years so many puzzle pieces
So many layers
can you dig through
can you find your piece in me


Will you find your place in me ?

Love given.

Time given.

Bad thoughts living

Your hate is spreading

Write it down if you can tell me now if you can.  What keeps turning this around?  Is it me or is it all that noise and sound in your head.

Will you run or will u fight this till you're dead

Behead this born hate

Don't be a born hater .

Let the words slide down
your ***** slide of a tongue

and it hunts me
Cause i'll forever remember
Everything said and done

Are you having fun?  

Is this chaos what you want

Are you going to run?

Isn't this chaos what you want

It's that corky laugh that comes out  
when you just open you mouth.

Let it out
It's those words that you didn't think about.

it's that hug that you didn't expect
it's that rush that you didn't expect.

it's that day your eyes looked a little wider
and your skin looked a little brighter.

your high was a litter higher
and the world made no sense.

it's those moments when your mind brightened your end.
when you believed a little more.

when you've worked so hard to get there
but now it doesn't feel so sour.

Those tiny little things
Are worth living for .

State your case
they say
Give your reasons.

How can we fight for you
when we don't know what we are fighting for
how can we win this war

when you can't state your case
you can't say your reasons.


how can I fight
when I don't know what I'm fighting for
how can I win this war

when I can't state my case
I can't give my reasons

but please please believe me
this fight, I truly need it

Focused
aimed
I'll keep going straight

Side blinded
no time to hate
cause if I let the thought slip for a second
I'll honestly throw all my energy to waste
cause you keep steering up my emotion
I might be exploding
And you might just have a taste

So I'm ganna keep focused
Determined
and going straight

Even though ur right there I'm ganna let it go before it begins let it go before it ends badly . I ain't human for now . I dunno how . But your effect will disappear

and I'mma keep going

All I do is define and analyse
everything everyone everytime .

define and analyse
label and paraphrase
like my life story is a *******
SAT study case.

Sweet eyes and a wavering soul
Was going uphill only to fall.

Always the girl to answer anyone's help call
but to her own troubles everyone stood in applaud.

Waiting for her bravery to unfold

but what they don't know
is what her eyes never told
she was on the edge
all along

see green land and blue skies
were never on her mind.

but, instead a complex maze she would always design
mischievously tricking her own mind.

She did it so that a way out was never to find
As she locked herself behind
her complex golden mind

And everyone just stood in applaud
cause they thought
her own bravery will unfold

oh they thought
She's strong enough
and her own bravery will unfold

but the truth is those sweet eyes
have gone cold .

All my feeling and emotions
have turned into thin paper
that you can easily cut

all what I'm going through means nothing
yet it means alot


I know I'm an open wound
but I keep ignoring it as it bleeds.

I can't tell you how much it's bleeding
if its right in front of you and you can't see.

and I don't want to depend on anything
to help it mend
to help it heal

So, I just ignore it
even though it's real

and now my thoughts have turned paper thin
cause I keep cutting down the trees
and remaking them.

Right now I just wanna move on
So being Paper thin
seems better than a growing tree

Does contempt exist ?        

If I left my love with you
Will you keep my emotions in a box
Hang it around your neck
Near your chest
And wear over it a bullet proof vest  

So I wouldn't need anyone but you
Keep them safe with you
Feeling the safety in my love for you

Is that cotempt   ?  

Knowing it will never end
Knowing that on you I can depend                     Knowing that my scars you will mend
Knowing that I can send
My heart safely with out it shooting back at me    
Will you reciprocate !

And I will wear you all over me
Like a metal vest
That will never rust    

Is that contempt ?

See I could tell you about the world
about the reasons we exist
And how we are living a lie
And what they show on the t.v screen
How wrong has been done to me
how much is on my mind
how I don't sleep at night


but the way you smile at me
is sweet .
And I all I can say is I have
a sweet tooth ♡

You've signed and sealed your soul
all over my identity.

And now they see you
in me .

There's a moment in time
where you can take on the world
when you feel you words are sharp as a sword
when you can keep going on
keep standing straight
no matter the weight

There's a moment in time
where you fall apart
where your life is a huge laundry mess
and you don't know where to start
when you feel you'd rather have been gone
gone as a martyrdom
when your mind shrinks
and it can only understand the bad things

But, There's a moment in time
when someone is next to you
Whether you feel like you're superman or a dying man
you want them there
next to you

Whether or not you think about it
I still probably do
I've kept you in a box in the corner of my mind
I still remember you like a Polaroid picture
faded and forever still
like you never changed

Whether or not we talked everyday
or just once in a while
I'll still remember the way you are

whether or not I lost you
or you're still mine
whether or not we fought
once upon a time

I still probably
I still think about you
We were once good
we used to smile
and at some point
I understood your mind
and I'll always still remember you
every person that walked in on my life

I'm fading away
what a waste of efforts
I've invested so much in me
and now I just gave up on me
****.

I'm fading away while holding on
I'm fading away like a sand castle on a windy day .
I put so much time and effort in me
it's a shame
but who's the one to blame ?
Cause my self worth has already faded
by my own self I'm degraded

I'm fading
fading away.

This world is way too big
I'd have to analyze all what I ever did
cause it contributes to something big
And I know better
I do
I know better
I do
but, I can help but like my temporary bubble
of temporary meaningless emotions
that are secure
and they feel sure

I analyzed you yesterday in my head
Broke you down into pieces
categorized your every detail
and I told myself , there's no reason
for why I'm obsessed.

I told myself . I'm not obsessed

Beaming sun above my head
tons of sand hills ahead
my aura is blood red
but it kinda feels like
.. I'm dead

A desert that never ends
All I see is the sand hills ahead

golden sand , golden sand !

This must be the ultimate dry land

filled with golden sand.

Beaming sun above my head
I keep walking ahead
But I might as well just stop
cause I can't see an end.

So, what's the point
I can't see one water drop
I might as well just stop.

Beaming sun above my head
I keep walking and walking
up-hill
with my aura turning red as blood
but it still; it still feels like I'm standing still.

Can you read right through my sour rejection
we are both repelling like it's a chore
Can you read right through my sour rejection
cause I can read right through yours
and I'm just stuck on the fact of who wants it more
So,
why

why

why ?
Are we repelling like it's a chore
when in fact we are racing on who wants it more

I can't even write a poem about it
I can't even admit it to myself
I haven't told anyone else about it
it's rotting in me like dirt

I'm scared we will never talk about it
I'm scared if we ever talked about it

First time I saw you
I craved the moments I would get to know you
Those tiny moments we had contact.

Those tiny revelations
Slowly unwrapping this sensation
Still leaving much to my imagination

With each word you spoke
I connected the dots
Like you were a mystery to solve
with time we evolved
and in your life I got involved

I craved the moments I could explore you
push you to the limits I wanted more of you
explore the reasons behind your smile
explore the truth behind your lies
and lies behind your truth

explore you !
Dig right through you
I wanted more

I would explain you, explain myself
then compare
and slowly I developed disappointments and scares
of how much I cared
and how much you could reciprocate
all the things I felt
all the things I dreamt

but still I wanted more
I would dig right through your soul
I would explore
all those roads and all those walls
you put up

I had a clear picture now
and it wasn't in glitter like how I put you
it was raw and odd

But I still explored
and I wanted more
more of you
More of love
more of understanding this
Me
you
us

but how much is enough
The picture is turning grey
and this want just grows
the more it knows
And it feels more hollows
the more I get
the more I want
the more it's hollow

but I still want more .

let myself fall into whatever prevails
cause I can only see the head can't see the tail

and I can't really read a book by it's cover when feelings blur the cover
and feelings still hover
over me as I go through each page  

Blind sightedly hurting
And all this love just goes to waste

This fragile embracement
is breakin'
I question was it ever mine for the takin'  
feelings hover over me and I'm shakin'
I kinda always knew I was mistaken

But I left it to fate 'nd
all this love goes to waste'nd
all this love just turned to hatin'

Positive fight
I write my rhymes before I sleep through the night
can you feel my height
I'm flying off the ground
can you hear that sound

it's calling me
telling me about my fate
And It says that I'm bound to be great


From this world's music I translate
it says I'm bound to be great
it's my fate

But who can decide
what is right
is being great ..
Standing in the lime light
or is it sacrificing my time
out of sight
or is it being my own hero
through those dark nights

I can't tell.
but I know I will never sell
my soul for the part
that I'm bound to play
I can't really hear what you say
I just hear this music
that leads the way
all you haters are stray

This beat
Spreads through my blood stream
and moves me

like a fist in a fight
about to hit and hurt
get hurt and bleed

So I fight this positive fight
I just take it one step each night
till I reach that which is right

Hours pass by
9pm  feeling great
1 am it's getting late
3 am your alone in your bed feeling the hate
of nothing but the thoughts you chose to think

this world is way too complex to understand
and I can never see the world from where you stand
neither can I teach you how to stand
when your all alone
And I might not be there to catch you when you fall
even if I wanted to

I just hope you look up in the sky
without asking why
look up in the sky*

and I hope you realize
That it was never meant to be perfect
but we were born to live this life with purpose

I wear my best pair of jeans at home
My skin is at it's best tone
when I'm feeling good on my own

On top of the world
my own ego I've sold
No more second guessing
No more wishing

it will be real
cause the way I feel
I'm on top of the world

Can we avoid fights
The anger
the hate
the pressure
the wrongs

can we ever be wise enough
to be above all that
or is it unavoidable

4:26 am
white ceiling
Cold floors
ain't got no miss calls
I got 1..  actually 2
but none from you .

white ceiling
cold floors
I keep trippin' I stopped counting my falls

This white ceiling
those cold floors
these phone texts
My obsessiveness  
I keep compressin' this
feeling into a tiny whole
Over it I built a wall
Why don't you ******* call !

This white ceiling
This COLD WORLD
understanding is getting old
There is so much scars I can close

This white ceiling
is so clear
That I let it go
I have no one in my heart that I hold dear
no more
thank you for making that clear
world .

I have this feeling
in me

like I'm going to break out of my own skin
one day

and transform with the wondering wind
...

Some of us cover pain
with hurting ourselves more .
Why ?
I'm not sure

but if I'm hurt I will distance myself.
Though it hurts more
if I distance myself I take a smoke
which harms and hurts more

Why ?
I'm not sure

I can't see you
I can't call you up . . .....

Is there metal cage around your heart
all these feelings, where do I start
I can't be with you
I can't be with you
cause you ache my heart

****.

I've got this bag on my back
and no where to unpack
Homeless
I've got this bag filled with problems webbed by my confusion of emotions
Homeless
begging on the streets for a notice
There's so many people walkin'
they help out often
But they never gave me a home to unpack
cause I got a troubling track
On my back
in my bag
No where to unpack
these emotions
cause I'm living homeless

I built the blue print in my mind

Of our story that will unwind . .   .     .    

           It will be one of those late nights
      you had one of those horrible fights
         and you lean on me for help .
      you tell me about all the things you felt  
         and my heart would just melt.

I'd open in a door into my core let you inside my world and we just fade away in our memories

They say be as hard as a rock when people try to hurt you let those feelings stop when pain reaches you .

They say be as soft as cotton candy so you can truly love and feel every bit of the beauty when everything is dandy.

I tell them I have no choice I can't be both.

They tell me so what have you chose ?