Empty promises and carefree living
Hazy nights and forgettable days
Chasing pleasure wherever it can be found
Never remembering those who once stood besides you
Bitterness is poison, a slow killer slinking in
But I can't help but feel as if you abandoned me
The first chance you got, without second thought
You'll never find someone else like this

The warm water feels hot on my cold hands as I rush to erase the memories of the day behind me.
I can try and forget time by doing such mindless tasks, but when I look in the mirror I am reminded of my life,
And how this face is stuck with me for eternity.
Will I still like myself when my skin is no longer vibrant and youthful?
Because I see smile marks beginning to form and I am displeased.
Will I still walk through this town 30 years from now and understand my ever growing anxieties?
Or will I reflect and shake my head at how utterly idiotic I was?
Only time will tell and at the moment I can't decide if that's comforting or terrifying.
These places have seen my mistakes and regrets and my moments of bittersweet happiness
And I wonder if they will continue to remember my legacy.
We will all be forgotten and life is a lost cause,
But if I learn to accept this maybe I won't be so bitter.
However, to become content with such a thought is something I don't think I can ever be.

People are naive and simple and I feel as though I am complex and unreachable.
If you were a field of daisies I'd be the ****,
Criticizing you all and feeling complete envy.
For you all dance through life's wind like it's beautiful and kind,
While I shiver in the dark and forever pray for some spec of light.
A tree has grown beside me and I have become so cold,
Making warm water impossible to hold.

Maybe we are poets
Maybe we are doomed
Maybe we are determined
Maybe you're my muse
Maybe I'm a dancer
Maybe I'm a lover
Maybe this is more
Maybe this is less
Maybe I was meant to hold your hand
Maybe I'm just dead
Maybe we kissed
Maybe we messed up
Maybe this is something
Maybe I'm sick in the head
Maybe I'm in love
Maybe I'm confused
Maybe I'm just searching
Maybe I've been lost
Maybe I found comfort
Maybe I did not
Maybe we're meant to love
Maybe we're meant to break
Maybe this will make sense
Maybe I'll never know
Maybe it'll be okay

It's hopeless and pathetic,
The life that I lead and the moments I forget.
The moments I remember.
I think about you too much,
About your hair, and your face
And the way we once touched.
And how your voice soothes me to sleep
And how I miss your eyes
And the way you keep me guessing all the time.
I wonder if I ever cross your mind,
Or if maybe I'm crazy
For missing you
And thinking about you
And replaying the moments over and over.
I'm so sober.
I'm so sorry,
For being pathetic.
If you're thinking about me I hope you're happy
And if you're reading this I hope you know it's really about you.
I'm thinking about you.

Soft couches,
***** carpet,
Tobacco flavored breath.
***** stained shirts,
Soft lips,
Desire for a body to hold.
Stumbling,
Falling,
Crying,
laughing.
Walking,
Talking,
Driving,
Smoking.
Kissing,
Missing,
Wanting,
Wishing.
Hazy lights,
Blurred signs,
Mixed signals.
Jealousy,
Empathy,
Anger,
Joy.
Wooden walls,
Drunken calls,
Dark areas.
Wet grass,
Dry laughs,
A night dedicated to my birth.

It comes all at once,
Like a bullet to the head,
Or a pill to your bloodstream,
Or water from a faucet.
And when it happens it hurts,
Like bright lights to adjusting pupils,
Cold water to a warm body,
Or a sharp object to soft skin.
Reality.

The moon comes out eventually, as it's rival forces her out.
She sits there while the night surrounds her, making her cold and anxious.
"The Earth is a cruel place," A distance star whispers as she suddenly appears in the night sky.
The moon looks at Earth, her distant cousin and shrugs.
"She seems alright to me." Replies the moon.
"What do you mean?" The star asks.
The moon sighs and responds, "The Earth isn't the cruel one, Star. It's the people she made. Those people, her children, are destroying her from the inside out. They aren't even aware of what they're doing."
The star looks at the Earth and then back at the moon. The moon struggles to remain composed as she sees her cousin get eaten alive in the nightlife.
"Maybe you should do something." Says the star.
The moon sighs and replies, "There's nothing I can do, it's too late."

I remember sitting in some basement at 10:58 on a random summer night
I remember how the movie we watched wasn't very scary
I remember we both pretended it was so we had an excuse to cuddle together
I remember long nights dreaming about you and I together
I remember how seconds felt like hours staring into your eyes
I remember standing together at one in the morning
I remember how the car broke down, and we were both oh so chilly
I remember the feel of your breath on my neck as we stood together
I remember explaining the next day how we were just friends
I remember a time before all I could think was I love you
I remember being scared you wouldn't feel the same way
I remember waking up next to you
I remember wishing we were old enough to wake up together every day
I remember long looks, quick smiles, bad jokes, sweaty hands
I remember shared drinks, borrowed clothes, tight hugs, your laugh
I forget when it was exactly that I fell in love with you
But I know that ever since, nothing was the same

You know what is unbelievable?
I would let you close enough to hurt me.
If you really knew me
you’d know that I’ve never done that
in all my years
How come you,
of all the people I know
and have felt close to
have that power?
I swore never to give it to anyone
You made me break a promise
made to myself
What’s going to come of it?
Nothing nothing
We’re all knowing looks and awkward jokes
we’re all pleasantries
we’re all friendly with everyone else
When it comes to each other
we get choked
Who are you
to trap my words, to close my mouth,
to grind my gears?
I’d let you closer if you’d let me
I’d let you hurt me
more than you already have even though
I know it burns and aches and stings
I’d let you

and they say
   shes so brave
and they say
  shes so strong
but  do they not know
shes afraid?
confused?
between right, and wrong?
every rock stone and pebble
along the way
is vanishing out of her sight
shes kicking up the dirt
just so she can choke
on the taste of something familiar
but taste buds change
and these learnings wont stay the same
and it feels like
heartbreak, hunger, pain
i want to cry
like a little babe, to be nurtered and loved
cared
but this time
it is not the hand of my mother, caressing my body
i cry to the wind i feed by the moon
sleep by the fire thats setting my world to rune
i long for the womb, of water and warmth
maybe there ill transform
bathed in the salts
and tears of
this earth
surrround
drown
unground
                  r e b i r t h