Set the alarm
Lock the doors
Lock the windows
Lock the shutters
Find the cricket bat – “put it by your bed”
Say goodnight to mom and dad

Although young, not naïve
I knew every night had the possibility of being my last

A routine that is now muscle memory.

Fear –
You may think
But life –
Normal for me.

Wake up
Turn off the alarm
Unlock the doors
Open the windows
Open the shutters
Put the cricket bat in the cupboard

Never being able to be left alone at home. Unwillingly dragged from store to store.

But – that’s the thing –
People don’t know the real Her,
They know the exquisite scenery, the unforgettable wildlife
They don’t know… But I do.
Because She is my home
Because being in constant fear for my life –
is normal.

Confused –
What do I tell people about Mother when they ask?
The person who raised me, taught me how to be grateful, how to ride a bike,         how to love.
Do I tell them? Will I scare them?

Although hidden beneath the tyranny – I would say –
the bloodshed
the faces of malnourished children left for dead on the side of the road the poverty struck soil the corruption      the greed the hunger the death the separation of class and race

Although a place feared –
Africa.

My Africa –
Whose sunshine you feel ignited in your soul
My Africa –
Whose smile is irresistibly contagious
My Africa –
Whose heart lies in the grassy terrain
The golden dunes of sand
The never-ending mountain tops
My Africa –
Who is the heart of various people
           cultures
   languages
          All who call Her home.
She is –
Where my heart lies even if I am thousands of miles away
Where my mind wanders from day to day.

Her air, instantly calls you
Her smell, instantly smelt
Welcoming you ever so dearly –
      Home.

Like all good mothers,
She is the one who can handle both the tranquil and turmoil,
the love and war.

She is my home. She is who I fear of disappointing.

My Africa –
is beautiful.

I wonder what secret
The trees whisper to the breeze?
Do the birds hear that secret
And announce it in their song?

Does the wind hold it
And drop it in the seas?
Does the sea speak it out
And share it with the stars?

Do the heavens then resound
With the secret of the trees?

And the clouds,
Oh yes! Those clouds
Blue, black and grey
Is that why come rushing?

Across the seas to caress
With gentle rain the trees
And whisper,
"Heaven knows your heart,
There are no secrets from God."

The trees smile and sway
Fulfilled and complete in love.

Step one, the first steps...
So Joyful was I of every single stride,
Impossible for me to hold back my teary eyed fatherly pride...

Not much more through the years could I have said with genuine adulation,
At times though a fathers words unspoken, will express volumes about his deepest hearts jubilation...

A balance of tenderness tempered with sympathy, things that have to take first place.
Discipline... must come in a way that will heal without any harmful trace.

To be a father is sincerely like nothing else,
To actually understand what our heavenly father feels and makes his heart melt...

Fatherhood, Fatherhood to me please be kind,
I beg you make the memories of my child's heart always desire to rewind...


J.I.F.



1 Corinthians 13:8a

8 Love never fails.

You know when you say a word over and again it stops sounding like a word. Well the same thing happens when you think of what a word means. Like the meaning of something is broken when you think of what meaning means. Confused? Great. Because that’s words confusing and meaningless separate but together they can be so much more.
If I was to write a whole page long writing on words it would just boil down to cool phrasy thingyies
Which is ironic cause those aren’t even words
What I’m trying to say is don’t use words alone. Write every word with your meaning. Not that I think I’m the best writer , hell from reading this your probably already know that. But I decided just to write no stops just write what I feel will get across maybe, so basically meh just write something with heart so that words hold meaning and don’t just leave you wondering what the hell did I just read. I’m assuming this is a total dumpsterfire but that’s meh cause I wanted to try something and I did so this came out ..... well meh

I’m losing my mind in the dark, dreary shadows,
destructive doors are closing everywhere in sight,
so many words I want to say, but when I open
my mouth, letters are scrambled, nothing makes sense,  
everything is on overload, flooded thoughts
traumatizing my brain, stressful nights intensifying
to unquestionable degrees, diminishing, falling
into the greatest depths of depression,
surrounded by colorless clouds,
state of mind shifting to suicide,
painful splinters piercing my inner existence,
irrelevance screaming and shouting,
unsettling depictions carved in jagged letters
across my stained skin, drowned, darkness
clouding my dreams, choking me in the shadowy,
flaming woods, swaying trees tumbling on my lifeless soul,
ferocious winds dragging me beyond the brutal crimson sea,
as waves upon waves devoured me, left on the cold, chilly ground,
breathing and wheezing, crying and moaning, sinking in my shattered ship.

She sits upon her terrace,
overlooking her life,
pondering and reflecting,
accepting and mourning,
smiling and frowning,

a colour of emotions
shining upon her face
like the greatest of
the suns rays.

With her head bowed
she realizes,
sometimes when you live,
to be of old age
often you live to see death,
coldest games.

When you live to be her age,
losing a child is a reality you must face,
sometimes you may lose them all,
because you outlived the times,

now she sits and waits,
for her time to come..

i think the ocean is alive and thinking
all the while
the ambivalent recollection in the mirror
looks at me and thinks
“yes i truly will love you forever”
i know so cause she told me.

It started in a coffee shop
Where you worked
Four days a week
And I knew the hours
I knew it with a deep visceral longing
With a terror and a joy
A forbidden pleasure that sickens me
And I tried very hard to let you be
But you took the town over
With the musk of a presence that I longed for with the whole of my being
All the while, the quiet and logical part of my disrupted mind reminded me that being near you was not appropriate
How I loathed that Vulcan presence
But I heeded it more or less.
And as you became attached to all the little places
In this quiet little town
I knew I had to leave
in order to let my violent need die
And now having lived in a far off state I sit at the SeaTac gates
And the old familiar clutch of deaths bony palm on my soft intestines squeezes, and a small anxious voice whispers
What if she gets out at this gate?
Do you now own the whole of Alaska?
If I find you move to Chicago
Will I quail at O'Haire
With the small chance that you're there?