my dear, did i damage and fracture you,
after all the glowing conversations?
i can hope you know i never meant to
i curse my heart for lack of sensations

you were of cinnamon and pumpkin spice,
and i was of subtle cocoa and mint
you always thought mint chocolate was nice
i never felt the same about pumpkin

did my careful words graze your skin with blood,
because you saw me as aphrodite?
or did you view me as a spot of mud,
desperate to scrub off and make mighty?

did my lack of warm feelings pierce your heart?
or was love bitter and not sweetly ****?

"it's not right,
you're sick and depraved,
you don't know anything,
it's disgusting,"
is what they all shouted at me

i bit my tongue,
swallowed my blood,
hid my colors
but stood my ground

black and blue bruises
made me feel *****,
but i perservered,
despite the angel's cry

and suddenly all the beatings
turned into shoves
the slurs yelled at me
became "be proud!"

despite the sugarcoating
and the sudden change of heart
i saw through the false, white smiles
popularity creates lies

when the summer winds blow through the wood
and the scent of pine is fresh
the orange sun peeks through the foliage
and everything is tranquil

but wait too long and the sun hurts my eyes
it either much too bright in the daytime
or the light is completely gone in the night
so i savor those moments of peace

it is tiring to always cover my eyes in fear of pain
and it is terrifying to be amidst a dark forest
i am deprived and anxious everyday
so i wait for those rare sunrises

because even though i am too beaten down to enjoy the view
these are the only occasions of which no damage is being done
so i bask in the calm glow of the sunrise
bracing myself for my eyes to water

she was a caring girl
she knows a boy who always cries
and it is the end of january
so his hands are covered in blood
she gives him soap that smells of lemon
and she scrubs his hands clean
he makes her feel uneasy and anxious
but cleansing him is the only thing she does right
he fills her head with steaming tar
and leaves grisly scars over her eyes
damaging her sense of vision
she washes his eternally blood-stained fingers and palms
the blood mixing with lemon soap and tears
completely blind to her own tarnished hands
sobbing, the girl reaches out to the boy in utter darkness
only to find empty air meeting her fingertips
it will only happen again at the end of february

golden brown leaves fall delicately from a tree
warm hands pointing at fluffy white clouds
the feeling of back against the grassy ground
fluttering hearts and long, drawn-out whispers
secrets spilled in the dead of night
trust is a dangerous chemical
and I have given you all of it

hearing you speak makes me cry
because i can't tell if it's another lie
the words that exist your mouth are fake
well spoken words make a nice template
your mouth shouts, "have a nice day!"
but your eyes tell me, "it's all for display!"
someday i hope everyone opens their eyes
to see you without all your lies

i've worked myself off since my birth
to get a simple letter determining my worth
it's hard to get all the things you want
when everyone is telling you that you should not
it's hard to succeed when you get a score
and everyone is telling you it should be more
it's so hard to try to no avail
when everyone is telling you that you'll fail