I was chasing a butterfly
In a field abundant with flowers.
I tried to catch it,
But it flew away.
And even at that young age
I was already too familiar
With things
not intending to
stay

SO TODAY I AM TYPING (2/11/13)
IN CAPITALS
BECAUSE
I AM INFATUATED
WITH SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T CARE.

SO TODAY I  AM TYPING (2/15/13)
IN CAPITALS
BECAUSE
HE LOOKS AT HER
THE WAY I NEED HIM
TO LOOK AT ME.


SO TODAY I AM TYPING (2/24/13)
IN CAPITALS
BECAUSE
SHE PUT HER ARM
AROUND HIM
AND HE SMILED, AND HIS
EYES DID THIS THING
THIS BEAUTIFUL, CRAZY,
AMAZING THING.


SO TODAY I AM TYPING (2/29/13)
IN CAPITALS
BECAUSE
HE SMILED AT ME
AND HE SEEMED UPSET
I SAW IT IN HIS EYES
MY WHOLE WORLD
IS HIS HAPPINESS.


SO TODAY IM TYPING (3/4/13)
IN CAPITALS BECAUSE
SHE LEFT HIM
AND HE WAS SO HEARTBROKEN
THAT IT MADE MY OWN
HEART HURT.

SO TODAY I AM TYPING (3/9/13)
IN CAPITALS BECAUSE
HE SMILED AT ME AND
PUT HIS ARM AROUND ME
AND I GOT THIS FEELING
THIS BEAUTIFUL, CRAZY,
AMAZING FEELING.


SO TODAY I AM TYPING (3/14/13)
IN CAPITALS BECAUSE
HE KISSED ME
HE KISSED ME THE WAY I NEEDED
HIM TO KISS ME
WITH LUST
WITH PASSION
WITH NO TASTE OF REGRET ON THE
TIP OF HIS TONGUE.



SO TODAY I AM TYPING (3/20/13)
IN CAPITALS
BECAUSE HE ASKED ME TO
BE HIS GIRLFRIEND
AND HE KISSED ME AGAIN
AND I THINK
I LOVE HIM.



SO TODAY I AM TYPING (1/25/14)
IN CAPITALS BECAUSE
HE PROPOSED TO ME
HE WANTS TO MARRY ME
FINALLY
I HAVE GOTTEN THE LOVE I DESERVE.



so today i am not typing (6/12/88)
in capitals
because
he is gone
he died
he left me
alone
back in this old feeling
this awful
old
feeling.



m.g.

I close my eyes
because when i do
I don't feel so alone

because darkness
is more company
than you'll ever know

I could never tell you
of the utter anomalies
running through my heart.

I shouldn't be alive.

Everyone says that they're gonna leave this place
as soon as they can
but in a town where everyone knows your name
you'll be stuck without your moment of fame

Empty promises
to ourselves
Hollow hopes
for a change

You're just another person
In this washed up city of ours
We all have dreams
But will we ever get far?
I hate to waste time
Fishing around in the dark
But what're the odds
We'll ever make a change?

To leave here is to leave behind memories
Despite the pain
Its all that we know of this lifetime
And everyone tries

Empty promises
to ourselves
Hollow hopes
for a change

You're just another person
In this washed up city of ours
We all have dreams
But will we ever get far?
I hate to waste time
Fishing around in the dark
But what're the odds
We'll ever make a change?

We all want to be somebody
and make a change
We all want somebody
to remember our name
But in the process
of chasing fame
We lose our roots
along the way

You're just another person
In this washed up city of ours
We all have dreams
But will we ever get far?
I hate to waste time
Fishing around in the dark
But what're the odds
We'll ever make a change?

My eyes are dry,
like when you sit in front of a TV
surrounded by darkness
for hours after hours.
Except I am out in the world,
only with nothing around to catch my eye.
I am not beautiful,
without the radiance that you supply.
when you aren't with me,
I lack a certain feeling of safety,
and can’t tolerate the things that
usually don’t bother me.
Because I know when I come home
after a long day full of chilly hallways
and disappointment from people who will never understand me
you are not in my bed,
waiting patiently
to hold me.

Sometimes
when I'm lying awake at night
on an air mattress of a pull out couch
not sleeping because of the weight
of why i'm here in the first place.
I cry.

the tears stream directly onto the pillow
pulling off old remnants of eyeliner
and mascara
Dirtying the pillow

I cry because
I am alone

alone

alone fearing the darkness
what it brings
and if it will find me
the darkness
I spent so much of my life in...

The darkness I fought so hard
                                                       To get away from...

And I'm still fighting