I know this may be too soon, but I want to get it off my chest. I know that I just got out of a relationship, and I have no intentions of jumping into another one, but I like you; at least what I have seen of you so far, and if you’d let me, I’d like to get to know you some more.
And I say that in the most innocent way. I want to hear more of the way you think, and see things some more from your perspective. I like being in your company; you bring me back to reality, but a bearable reality. I like the way that you don’t expect much from me and know that I make mistakes, yet still believe in me. The way you talk motivates me and I want to learn more; about what you know, the experiences that shaped you, who you are, what you like, not because I have anything to gain, but because I sincerely have an interest in knowing.
I don’t want to jump into a relationship, at least not now. I need to learn how to be comfortable with myself again and erase all the bits of me that I exhausted or changed in an effort to make someone like me. I don’t want to lose myself in that way again, and I want to be sure that all I do is because it’s me, and not simply to impress. Because who I was before was amazing, and I know that beneath all the scars and stitches, that person I was exists and is even stronger. I don’t want to be in a relationship until I know that I’ve made it back to who I am, and that I’m able to let that person have the best of me.
I know what I want now. I want a partner, and I say that because that’s exactly what I want. Not just a ‘relationship.’ I want someone who will grow and experience with me, someone who will adventure, someone who will confide in me just as much as I them, someone who I have just as much things in common with them as I don’t -the perfect balance of bonding over our similarities, and learning and experiencing based on our differences. My next relationship will be nothing short of experiencing the highs and lows with my best friend.
And I feel it in you. I’ve always had your shoulder to rest my head on when it got hard -even after all the mistakes and unintentional ways I’ve hurt you. I learn different theories and philosophies and ways of looking at life from you. Whether it’s skating in the rain, getting lost in a country club, watching a movie, playing instruments, or simply getting coffee; each experience has burned a permanent image in my mind. And I wish to never lose your presence in my life because you bring out the best of me, which is a lot to say considering we are nearly strangers.
I don’t want to jump into a relationship, I value you. I don’t want to pick a flower that is blooming so beautifully, I don’t want to have anything wilt in my hands. But I want to catch the petals, and I want to experience the seasons with you. And if by chance, after we grow, you wish to settle in this flower *** with me -I’ll welcome you with open arms.
NJ2016