Kelsey

Kelsey Dec 2014

So one of my friends is dating this guy
And they're so cute it's unbelievable
But I feel bad because I can't help but wish
That I had a life like hers.

This girl is amazingly pretty
She's nice and outgoing
She's smart in class
Plus she doesn't do illegal ****.

I'm on the opposite end of the scale
Where I have guy friends but have never been asked to a formal dance
I'm probably not as pretty as her
At times i'm kind of shy, depending on my day.
I don't feel like I'm that smart because
I'm a white girl surrounded by Asians.
And then I do rebellious things to get back at my parents.
I drink and smoke and party and lie etc.

Every day I just wish
My life had turned out differently.
Just one different decision,
And it would all have been changed.

But most of all,
I wish I wasn't hit on by creepy guys on the street
Just because I'm white.
This happened today
And the guy said he was a police officer
But I think he was full of **** tbh.

There was also this old guy, like 75
Who told me where he lived
When I was walking my dog
And then showed me his skin condition
But asked me to go to his house with him
I just walked away slowly

I wish that I was special
To some guy that actually knew me.
Not some weird as ****** on the street
Who wanted my facebook.

#girl #not #up #cute #on #hit #couple #police #creepy #pick

Kelsey Dec 2014

December Cold

It's just another ****** up Friday.
I've cried 3 times today. Hard.
I got home and tried to open up to my dad for the first time in years.
Then he got ****** at something I said 4 days ago.
I thought we were over it.
We didn't talk for 2 days.
Then he started talking like everything was okay.

I wish when people asked "Are you okay?"
That they would want a real answer.
But no one in this world cares.
It's cold and dark and cruel.
I'm so over high school.
I'm so done.

I'm just so done with everyone and everything.

I hate life.
Right now, it hurts to breathe.
I tried to **** myself a couple of weeks ago,
Took a couple of pills.
I'm waiting for my dad to go to sleep so I can take more than I did last time.
Last time didn't work, because I'm still here.
And I wish I wasn't.

Merry Christmas.
It'll be a good new year.....because I hopefully won't see it.

#suicide #life #depressed #winter #goodbye #no #cruel #cold #done #fuckyoudad

Kelsey Dec 2014

Talk-tale

I remember that fight, 2:30 AM
  "Have you been drinkin'
   To take all the pain away
   If you wanna bring me down
   Go ahead and try
   I'm not the milk and cheerios in your spoon
   It's not a simple "here we go" not so soon
   Can't you see that you lie to yourself
   I'm not about to look at your face again
   Why would you push me away
   I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game"
Why do you have to go and make things so complicated
100 and five is the number that comes to my head
when I think of all the years I wanna be with you
I like you the way you are
There's nothing like us
There's nothing like you and me
You learn my secrets and you figure out why I'm guarded
You say we'll never make my parents mistakes
I was a flight risk with a fear of falling
Wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Tears from eyes worn, cold and sad
Pick me up now, I need you so bad
Thought the chances of meeting someone like you were a million to one
You're the best thing that's ever been mine.

#lyrics #tale #talk #song #talktale

Kelsey Sep 2013

Coping.

Coping with fear?
Anxiety. Kitten Therapy.
Coping with anger?
Anger management.
Coping with happiness?
Sharing. Fangirling.
Coping with sadness?
Crying.
Coping with being me?
A mess. I can't cope. I'm almost at the breaking point.
How much longer God?
It's been my whole life, I've never been truly happy.
Please help me.

Kelsey Sep 2013

No one.

I don't want to keep up with it.
This life.
I'm so miserable.
I hope no one else feels this way.
This feeling is absolutely horrible.
I wish someone cared.
But no one does.
No one cares.
Maybe I should reciprocate the feeling.
My friends have already started.

Kelsey Sep 2013

I'm that girl.

I'm that girl that is a Christian.
I'm that girl that wants to feel like she belongs.
I'm that girl that wants to be accepted.
I'm that girl that likes both genders.
I'm that girl that has wished for 5 years, to be normal.
I'm that girl that cuts herself.
I'm that girl that drinks.
I'm that girl that smokes.
I'm that girl that numbs pain in all the wrong ways.
I'm that girl that has been bullied.
I'm that girl that stays up till 2 am every night doing homework.
I'm that girl that pretends to be happy when she's not.
I'm that girl that wears a broken smile all day, everyday.
I'm that girl that has gotten so good at lying, no one notices.
I'm that girl that wants nothing more than to die.
I'm that girl that locks herself in the bathroom to cry.
I'm that girl that was never happy.
I'm that girl that hates her life.
I'm that girl that needs help.
I'm that girl that needs love.
I'm that girl that needs you.
I'm that girl that is so sorry for doing these things.
I'm that girl that had reasons at the time.
I'm that girl that regrets nothing.
I'm that girl that has never forgotten.
I'm that girl.
That girl is me.
We are one.

Kelsey Sep 2013

Regret

I regret many things
Like that time when I said something horrible.
Or that time when I did something stupid.
When I went through that phase.
We all regret things.
We can't fix it.
Live life.
Be free.
Unlike me.