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I have always been terrified of driving
I confided this to you in our second conversation
This city
Has an abundance of bad drivers
And the way the road twists and turns
Makes my stomach do the same
Anxiety takes over my body
And I become a worried wreck
That night in July
I had to drive home late,
Worn from a busy day
You assured me that I would be alright
Called me to make sure I was okay
Talked to me patiently as I made my way home
Your voice calming
Turning my worries into laughter
You told me you would take me anywhere
I could just sit back and relax
That you would love nothing more than to have one hand on the steering wheel
And the other on my thigh
I pictured it
Pictured you next to me
Windows down
Wind blowing through my hair
And your palm on my hot skin
Moving with ease
The thought of it
Almost made me crash
The though of it
Took every ounce of nervous off of my shoulders
And sent me into a spiral of wanting
I wanted you
So terribly
Worse than any anxiety I had ever known
And my biggest fear
Was the thought of you leaving
I used to be scared
Of car accidents and collisions
Terrified of the crash
I am not afraid anymore
I do not hold my breath any longer
I do not tense up
Instead I am calm
I am not afraid anymore
My greatest fear already came true
And it had nothing to do
With losing control of my car
It had to do
With losing you
You left
Just like I feared you would
Just like you said you wouldn't
You left
I am now learning
How to let go
I drive easier
Knowing the worst already happened
I am not afraid anymore.
A depravity of sorts, life always had a way of twisting her out of shape.
In moments of utter disbelief, she, the woman with her veil,
Would silently walk away.
Its been so, for all the years of her existence, as far as she can remember.
Most of it, she choose not to recount. Even her thoughts scare her.

She always believed she was invisible from the rest of the life forms,
Minimal space occupied,
Metaphorically of course.
But now she had her doubts.
Her fears were clawing at the boundaries of her self restricted territory.

Underneath the dirt and gravel, life threw her into,
Her eyes shone with the brilliance,
Of a gem of its own unique design.
There was hope in them.

The noise of the world around, gave in
As a soft lull accustomed to her forgiving and forgetful ears.
She loved but was never loved.
Yet she never gave up.
Her story was like the serenade the band chose not to play..
The most beautiful, but also,
The most painful.

And when she smiled, she threw on that veil
And hid all the hurt she bore.
You could see the tear build up at the corner of her eyes.
Glistening eyes,
The trademark to her soft face.
The veil, she refused to lift,
The truth always hurts.

So easy to forget a face,
But how can you forget the pain
In her voice?
 Aug 2014 katy winser
Petal pie
Morning rain on tent
Plus wood pigeon alarm call
Make me need a wee!
Silly I know but true story!!
A poem is like a tickle,
It gives you joy and pain:
With blissful tears and
Tearful giggles,
You'll read that poem again.

A poem is like a damaged heart
In need of surgery:
The cut that heals,
A line that leaves
A scar along your heart.
 Aug 2014 katy winser
Cathyy
You say that i don't know you,
Or know of anything you're going through..

You say that i don't really love you
Or care about you
Because i say really sad things about myself and can't seem to be truthfully happy for you
But i've never loved anyone to the point where they became all i cared about, and though i can't be happy for you, i care enough to try to

You say that i don't know what the real world is like, or how harsh life can be
But I'm the one with the dark past and depression, forever catching up to me
I'm the one who lost a father in a war that could not possibly have been won
I know what it's like to lose people who mean everything,
Because i've been losing you and that's as harsh as anything

You say you're not pretty, you think sometimes i'm beautiful
Well let me tell you if you weren't in any way, as thought provoking and as breath taking as you are,
Would i really waste my time on all these poems for you?

You say that i don't know you..
But last year your favourite colour was turquoise, you wanted orchids at your future wedding, (which i may un-invite myself to) your favourite animal was the great panda bear,
Your secret talent was impersonating perry the platypus and you took 27 showers a day and drank posh tea, oh and you loved long hair.

Okay so now i don't know you so well
But i knew you,
I knew you more than time could tell

But now you're just a stranger.
The pretty girl with short hair
I cried
I woke up adrift this morning
Guilt a million leagues deep

Nothing done is undone
This Morning
Apologies do not come free

The sun which glistens
Upon the drops
Between my moistened
Thighs

Carry this morning's
Sin

Trembling ashamed
Of the lust which came
Into me last night

My mouth has forsworn this place
My darling, forgive me
Please

Of the low hanging fruit I partook
Above the devils knees
Writhing snakes within me bid

Eat

The meat is
ripe and sweet
My words are my armour, my blade, my security.
I use their definitive purpose to strike, to wound, to ****.
I have no need to use an actual knife, my rapier bladed tongue
cuts with an accuracy of a surgeons scalpel.
If you have no parry, or riposte, I'll Épée a thrusting word like the sword.
Your entire being is a valid target, I cannot fight with fists, I cannot crush
you physically, but mentally I will make you my target for words.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones! but words will never hurt me"

Oh, but they will hurt. Long after a scar has healed, a cut has scabbed,
words will linger, haunt and remind your every waking moment of the day you picked a fight, a dalliance if you will with a lexicographer.
© JLB
30/07/2014
14:14 BST
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