I think what I need
is for you to not need me
If i didn't feel like you needed me
I could think for myself

As the colours of your eyes dripped off my fingertips
And into the air
I sighed
They are grey again
Why are you grey again?
I thought you were over feeling empty

I close my eyelids
and all I can recall
is the last night
where his lips
on my forehead
hand inside my hair
and heart beating
to stay with mine

February 1, 2014
11:42 PM

i really don’t know how much longer i can do this
you know, this whole ‘life’ thing
i’m barely living as it is
self-loathing day in and day out
i barely eat and when i do i just try to bring it back up
i rarely sleep and the only way my eyes can close
is when they’re swollen and puffy from the hysterical
tears i shed into my torn up pillow

i know for a fact that you can’t possibly
put up with me for much longer
one day you’ll be at the end of your rope
and you’ll use it to escape this
dysfunctional ‘life’ you’re sharing with me
so you don’t have to ever waste your time
thinking about me again
or ever have to waste your breath on me
to utter that three-worded lie:
"i love you"

i’m sorry for being me
i’m sorry for crying all the time
and for making you uncomfortable
with my constant tears and tantrums
i’m sorry for the scars on my arm that don’t fade
and for the mental ones in my mind that might not ever
i’m sorry for doing everything the wrong way
and i’m sorry you fell in love with me
you deserve a good life with a good woman
and you have neither with me in the picture
all i seem to be able to do is make you upset
or make you angry at yourself
please don’t hit yourself again, darling
i saw you that one time when you were in the shower
i know it’s hard being with me
but please don’t take it out on yourself

it’s my own fault i’m like this
and i don’t expect you to fix me
i’ve been broken far too many times
and for far too long
to ever be put back together again
i’m sorry for being difficult and unmanageable
but i can’t help but feel responsible for all your pain
i’m sorry i do this to you time and time again
i’m sorry i make you happy one day only to make you cry the next
i’m sorry i can’t be beautiful and happy like the other girls
i’m sorry for being sorry i know you hate that
i guess i just **** up so regularly that apologizing has become
the one (and only) thing i’m truly good at

I say I'm sorry
Like it's going out of
Style

Because I know
I've been a **** person,
Maybe even the ******* person
In the world

And I can't say just how
Sorry
I am

Because you'll never
understand.

-e.w.

"I'm sorry."
No.
I don't think you are.

I tell you my pain,
Let you into my life,
And all you have to say,
Is "Sorry"?
No.
I don't think you are.

When I am sitting here,
Alone in my room,
Trying to cope,
Trying not to set the blame on me,
And all you can say,
Is "Sorry"?
No.
I don't think you are.

When my parents fight,
When money is tight,
When I try my hardest to put on a smile,
And all you can say,
Is "Sorry"?
No,
I don't think you are.