these hard words

are the only fruit my hard-rocked soiled-soul produces,
my alliterations secrete no beliefs, quench nothing,
the poems I don’t write are my most successful,
the songs that comforted, now find no-entry orifice

skin cold wet clammy sweating unsuitable for tilling,
my horizons natural, felled, underground swallowed,
replaced by the man-made barriers, guardrails of words
leaving body, utterances shoutout, exiting non-permissioned

lurch from one guilt-carrying, black leather-straps wrapped,
round my arm, to the ones strapped around my temple,
honorable acts owed, responsibilities fear foundering
unfulfilled lists, griefs, signs of cowardice, badges shameful

deep sighs, open groans, me mean asking questions of myself,
laughed off, city noises turned off, silences of colorless colden,
the sirens loudest inside reverb endlessly, still give nothing away,
a final exam, an all sided, annual checkup reveals nothing but


these hard words

7:48am 10/15/19

I would love
To love you forever
Until the sun explodes
And forever and ever.

I do not write to be cruel
I write to survive

I've seen what work mental illness makes out of people.
Self harm, drugs, drink, sectioning, suicide

Write to make sane the insane world
To ponder out the life I have lived
Tis better on paper, than on skin.

Tis better to be writing than hanging.

I want to leave my mark on this earth
With words.

Words enlighten, words frighten
Words teach, Words fight

You taught me my words
Now let me use them.

And lets hope I will reach 30
For if I don't, least you may have my words
When all else is gone.