I try
With all my might
To feel something
Because that's what you
Want of me

All my life
I've shut out my feelings
On not just you
But everything

You take it in
Offense, because
To you
I doesn't make sense
For that, I can understand
Why you want me to feel
But it's not who I am

I've never felt happy
Never felt sad
And though I can cry
Are these actual tears
That I shed?

I try as hard as I can
To feel anything
But it's not a switch
In the back of my brain
It's not easy
To feel love or pain

Why can't you see
I'm just an empty shell?
Why won't you accept
That I can't be anything else?

Hell if I know
Where life is going to take me
I don't really want to know
What lies on store for me
Anyways

This life is a cycle
As are the problems
They are born
They age
They due
And reincarnate
To grow another day

I won't let things bother me
That have happened in my past
I don't care what happens to me now
And I especially don't care
What hasn't happened yet

Addiction
Has many faces:
Drugs
Alcohol
***
Food

All of these things
Are so hard to lose
But the one that I
Can't seem to set aside,
It is written on my skin
No place for it to hide
Any time I use it, I abuse it
Anything I can get my Hands on
Is good enough for me
A knife
A needle
A safety pin
A box cutter
Something
Anything
To break open my skin
So when it heals, upon my arms
Is an inescapable sin
Will I ever be whole again?
The pain I feel is so addicting,
I won't pretend

It's not that I am sad
I just want to bleed
I am not depressed
For, I don't feel anything
I just want to hurt
Or learn what connective tissue
Looks like when it's stained red
I don't want anybody
To try to fix me
I'm already dead

Tell me now
How I'm supposed to feel

After all the numbing trauma
My mind can only try to heal

Show me how
I can learn to care

You tie me down,
I'll only offer you a blank stare

Nothing is real
I feel nonexistent

Something about the way
My lies flow past my lips
Makes me feel so distant

Charismatic, though I am
You cannot see past the depths
Of this mask

Twisted, I wish to feast on blood
Persistent in the way I just can't have enough

No one will ever see past the wall that I have built. No one will ever know that behind my actions is a lack of guilt

No remorse for the broken
No real laughs will leave my lungs
This is what it's like when
Pretending is never enough

The feeling of loss
Lingers for a lifetime
The sensation may fade
But as the tide, it shall fluxuate
Pulsating within my core
Reminding me of a pain
I've already felt before
I neglect the thought of you
To press through my day
But something about you
Will never go away
The feeling of loss
Has a bitter hold on my soul
This time, I don't think
It will ever let me go

I think I
Am doing fine
After all the ****
I've done

I will stand above
My mistakes
My past
Those I miss
To conquer the
Despair within

I think I
Am satisfied
Relying on me
Myself
And I

Because who better
Is there to trust,
Than myself?
Especially when
I have no one else

I think I
Am doing fine
Going through the motions
I try to live my life

Looking back,
I'm still alive
Even after all the times
I almost took my life

I am doing fine
And, sure as hell
I'll make it out alive