She's one of those beautiful mysterious ones.
The one that has absolutely no clue just how radiating she is.
Quiet but always thinking.
When she does speak her intelligence & eloquence flows out.
Kindness that melts your heart.
Her humor catches you by surprise.
That smile of hers fills the room with a force of enchantment.
I wish she could see what I see.
That she's not a **** among flowers.
But that she's a ******* beautiful rose bush.
Powerful with its twirling roots under ground.
Those thorns.. a force to be reckoned with.
She is like a closed rose bud hiding away.
But my God when she opens up and blooms.
You get blessed to see her for all the magnificent beauty that she is.
Full of color. A rarity.  
Like a galaxy full of shooting stars.
I wish she could see what I see.

You lost your right to be my father the moment you decided to sexually abuse me.
You don't even know the turmoil you have stirred up in my soul.
Do you sleep at night?
Because I don't, I lay awake in my confusion.
Wishing my reality was different.
You don't know what it's like to live with this.
If my own father couldn't love me, who will?
You took so ******* much from me.
You stole my innocence.
You made me feel tainted.
You made me fear trusting anyone.
Such deep rooted betrayal.
I finally understand I'm not the ******* up one.
You are.
I hope you get the help & support you need.
But right now I don't want you in my life.
I don't owe you anything.
You owe me a whole heck of a lot.
Starting out with an apology.
You weren't the father you should of been.
So you don't deserve the wonderful daughter I could be to you.
You know what I want?
I want your ******* lingering sensations gone from my body.
I want you out of my head.
I want you out of my nightmares.
I want you out of my heart, soul & mind.
You are like a pollution that keeps suffocating me.
I'm going to cleanse my soul from your toxins.
Your violence is inexcusable.
But my love over powers your violence.
Love is the answer.
I am loved.
I am worthy.
I am enough.
I will keep shining light on this darkness.

I smile, and do what I'm told.
I'll be what you want me to be.
Can you see the emptiness behind my sparkling eyes?
The sparkles aren't real, they are from tears.
I don't have a choice but to keep surviving.
This mind of mine is deeper than most dare to swim.
People tried to swim with me but they end up drowning under the crashing waves.
They blame me....
If only they could see I didn't cause these tsunamis with in my soul.
You swam against the tide for a short while with me and gave up.
I've been swimming against those crashing waves most my life.
You panic and shove me down under the water to save yourselves.
Maybe if you can't see me then you won't have to deal with trying to save me.
I hold onto whatever debris I find floating in the ocean. I'm a fighter. I'll keep swimming.
I'll keep grasping for air.
Just because you close your eyes and pretend not to see me drowning doesn't mean I'm not dying right in front of you.
I can't make the waves stop but I can learn to surf them and appreciate the beauty of the journey.
For I will get to shore one day.
I will stand firm on my own 2 feet one day.
Watch me... with or without you.
I will rise above this.

You sit there
In that big chair
Leaning forward in false interest.
With Affluence.
Where do the thoughts go?
Away in a box of unsent letters?
Why are there so many letters?
Like an unknown alphabet.
An exotic language,
too hard to interpret.
So much time spent to decipher,
That by the time you do,
The letters lost their meaning,
Lost in translation.

Forever.