Am i not enough
Am i to broken
Am i to ugly
Am i to me

I can feel your heart bleeding,
Through our one connected soul.
I can feel the hurt I caused it,
Through the nights we spend alone.
I can feel the love you’re hiding,
Through the truth I feel from you.  
I can sense the pain can be subsided,
Through the love I feel for you.

How can you remember anything
when you’ve turned off your mind
How can you experience anything
when your heart is silenced?

How can you know who you are
when you’re a people pleaser
Smiling fasley
Averting your eyes to conceal your truth deep within

My words pour through me like clashing symbols
Desperately trying to make a statement
Seeking to grab my attention
But I’m elsewhere
I’m never here
Sometimes I subsist in reveries,
But mostly I suffer through nightmares
with eyes wide open

There is a sickness growing silently within me
But I’m not here to tend to it
I sometimes peel back my armor
and re-enter my body
when I’m with another person
whom I believe might be able to receive me fully,
Someone who could possibly see me and love me
But I’m left stranded
After courageously revealing my tender soul
I guess they were simply too blind to see
My pure, childlike beauty
So I stuff my real self down again,
Down underneath my false representative
Below the surface of my fake identity
Is the only place my real self will ever belong

But I can’t accept that,
It’s not my truth
Maybe social conditioning
tells me I must follow the rules
to fit in
But I don’t want to fit in anymore

I feel something rising within me,
Something latent that I’ve dismissed within me for so long
It is my battlecry,
It is my truest song
I just won’t allow fear to hold me back anymore
I’ve got this one life,
And what is it for?
I may have hit countless rock bottoms
But I’ll always rise,
For with every time I rise
I become stronger,
And wiser
And kinder,
Softer, more weathered
But humbled
With every instance my heart was cracked
It opened
Wider and wider

So you see,
I can’t be what you need me to be
I can’t go back to who I used to be
I must answer to this new life beckoning me
I must rise once again
To invite this process of becoming everything I am meant to be.

in the street there is a cast on
I walk on the street I walk on the street
fire water cast this
I am I was or when

or when i walked or when i lived
or when i died or when i was or
when lanterns rang or when birds sang
or when it was spring outside

on the street there is a ghost and roses again
switched to another glass what do i do
with him so what should i be with him i be like
me to be with myself this hour in this star

04.10.18

All’s quiet and
still,
sky’s pregnant with
snow;

every flake, a lake
of ice—
every footstep, a false
echo;

the moon
beamed
upon the frozen
few,

the streetlamp
schemed,
and begged me
to kiss you.