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alex Nov 2018
i was watered like a garden
then drowned in all the rain
they said it’d help me grow
but it just dilutes my taste.

(i was brewed like a strong *** of coffee
but i didn’t know how to say no
when they asked if i needed more ice cubes)
nothing in particular. i just get lonely.
alex Oct 2018
during lectures on subtext
i stop listening
because i know what it is
i live it

in my wildest dreams
you opened your eyes when we were close
and made the decision
to move even closer

it took you asking me if i was sad
for me to realize
how sad i was

you are so kind
and i am so proud

even strangers can tell
that i’m lucky.
jcl. at least i know your subconscious thinks i’m warm.
  Sep 2018 alex
b
who ever gave a knife
to these drunks?
they stumble around the
living room. Charlotte almost
breaks a painting.

i still hear the drums
through the door. and the
occasional scream.
whatever gene that is,
it skipped me. i am instead
burdened with dependence.
it is in my blood to
lean on drink like it might
save me.

that blue is no fun
for a boy. there is no
serenity just suffering and
following along with
the family business.

my room is a mess
yet i stumble so sweetly
into the arms of prophecy. it has been
calling my name like a lost dog.

but id much rather **** the
party than myself.
  Sep 2018 alex
blushing prince
there is a wasteland
the abdomen of a swollen sea watching precariously as i bite into bits of dark chocolate and don't stop until the entire package is on the floor like a drunken dancer or a torn best friend
a candor that i sold auspiciously for a pair of high heels that i never wear, they just sit in my closet waiting for dirt to be pushed into the canvas of it's sole
i'll only wear them indoors when it's raining and i can hear the synchronizing of the drops on the roof top with each step i take onto the hard-wood floor -tap tap tap tap
i'll do this until the sincerity is gone from the momentum
eventually next summer they'll be forgotten in a cardboard box that has "free" written with a red sharpie and perhaps it's next owner will be forgiving, will take the loneliness of the esoteric feeling of wanting to be worn and introduce them to the vinyl floors of a cheap club or the cold linoleum floors of an expensive resort hotel
i'd like for things that I've known to have a continued story even after it's out of mine, and they do

there is a wasteland
a woman that constantly licks her lips because they're dry but they're only dry because of the constant moisture forced upon them
the reduction of catch-22 as if the joke doesn't fall smack into your clothes
trying to find something underneath the bra strap, past the skin
but you can never get through, can you?
she pulls your hand away and you're left feeling rudimentary
lacking, like the lackadaisical manner in which the lights never hit you the way you wish it did
a poem about the quick processing of restlessness
alex Sep 2018
my mother may not be perfect
but she is brave.
my best friend may not be perfect
but she is brave.
the ones who flinch away from touch may not be perfect
but they are brave.
they are brave without being questioned
in front of millions
they are brave without having their stories torn apart
and dug up
and denied
and perhaps even believed but still pushed aside
so as not to ruin the life
of the man who ruined theirs.
they are brave without an audience.

imagine how brave she must be
to relive her trauma
in every single question and torment and threat
plastered on television screens
and dissected by men who think
their careers carry more weight
than the abuse they have all inflicted before.

dr. ford is brave
and then some.
**** brett kavanaugh. i stand with dr. ford.
alex Sep 2018
it's not that i'm
looking for someone,
it's that i'm
looking for more.

it's not that i
wanna be someone's,
it's that i
wanna be yours.
j. i'm sorry i put so much pressure on something you probably haven't even thought about. i just think about it all the time.
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