As I Just close my door to my world
I Open the door to THE world.
SOOooooooo I Breathe in (breath in)

Take it all in

Airs somewhat cloggier than my space
At least im free from all that *** taste
And here, the Journey, begins.
Door to door about 58 minutes
Not including stops at the shops
And the inevitable wait at the bus stop
The electronic boards are always bad with timing  
Transport For London? Pssssh more like Thanks For Lying

*******.

About this time I ruffle and shuffle
Untangle my earphones and cause quite a kerfuffle
Unwinding the sound lines
Looping them in and out of their binds
Pulling and squeezing
Making sure the copper coil isn't easing
Cos they can give you a sharp *****!
For some reason that always happens on my fingertips,
And then they itch.

Oh the mechanics of me
Brought to thought
About my whole existence
As soon as something malleable
Penetrates my shell.
I'd look at the spot of blood and be rather..........disappointed
Why couldn't it be green? or maybe purp...blue?
At least then my suspicions would be true
That I'm not of this World Planet or Region
Coming from entities who celebrate happiness every season
Wandering around pretending to look like us
Just for kicks never indulging in any of the fuss
Just managing to jump out when things get hard
And back in when its all tickles and laughs
And out when its heartbreak or death
And then back in When Arsenal win the league! **** YES!!!

Yes...yes...That would make me feel blessed
Just to know I'm not like all the others
Who were all born from Mothers
Not that id wanna be born by a Brother
Cos that would be...odd.
I feel like I'm just waiting for my powers to be bestowed upon me
Dropped from the skies in a sacred ceremony
Surrounded by flying Lions
And jumping Elephants
Moonwalking Dogs
And Motorbike riding Frogs
Animals that I can't even imagine
That to my mind don't even exist
I'm greeted with cheers and smiles
And theres crowds going absolutely wild!!!
They all know the life I've lived
And happy that I've got to this bit
Where everything falls into place
Cos now I  control the ins and outs to my desired taste
Mmmmmmmmmmm
And it tastes so devine
Like souls entwined
Embodied in one another filling each and every space
Can you imagine how that would taste?
It would taste...tasty

All these thoughts from looking at this crimson blot on my finger
These are the things that make my mind linger
Dreams of being an ethereal being
As I look up and all that my eyes are seeing
Is the bus that i missed because I was daydreaming.

Reflections of my self, my being, my person, my soul,
Forever replayed, reshown, redone, reinacted
For the fact is
The strength that settles in my palms is ignited by the ignorance of man.

Oh man oh man how corrupt and vile does your mind be
Calculating and engineering plans and strategies
That will never leave your mind,
Free
To be or not to be
A mockerey
Of your confused biology, which hysterically
Questions your existence.
A gift so great,
Yet bronzed with your persistence to query the beauty I have given you,
Which is life!
Behind every man is a woman who loves and sacrifices their own needs and Necessities for happiness,
Clarity and justice.
A dancing cherubim dancing elegantly like a warm summer ray from your childhood Window.
Revitilises,
Re-energises,
Re-grows,
The root of your soul
As if the buds of may.

Honey toned, chocolate foamed
Milky light,
All pleasures for your delight.
Spread on to one body of immaculate perfection
Formed from Aphrodite's tears.

But the woman,

The woman possesses such omnipotent spiritual clasp on nature
That if she was to know,
Overstand
Or
Even accept a miniscule quantity of this knowledge

Then-man-would-be-woman.

To trap and encase a man like a rodent
Is to burn a ring of fire around his finger that leads life to his heart,
Where it beats impatiently to the tune of the womans song.

Skin soft, eyes lost
Sight of who I am,
Many different descriptions -although similar- still not the same,
But am I really to blame?
For the insecurities that you have belittled on me.
For my hair is long,
Then short,
Then short,
Then none.
My skin dark,
Then light,
Then light,
But not right
A constant fight,
A battle to aim for the right kind of existence but even still
I Exist!
And realise whatever you insist, still
I Exist,
Which is that gift that i hold in my being here,
Looking there
At my elegant stare,,
Which i dare
To offend the image, which you have sought to be womanly.

No longer do I fear my image
As it is a powerful icon of modern day life
To withstand the turbulent stresses and grind of strife

To help a man.

To have.

A happy.

WIFE!

Freezing causes wheezing,
Leaving leaf spores breeding down my trachea,
Allergens spin n turn sharply attacking the tools that physicalise my life with its ins and outs
Oh 2 see oh 2 breathe oh 2 feel free from the obstructions that structure my schedule to be dormant
Walk up the stairs hold on to the side "are you ok?" No Annie in sight,
Just I, end
is nigh
I roll my knuckles and pinch my palms
Shouldve cut my nails, shot shoots up my arms.
I knock 3 times on the bannister,
I Commit to it being my balancer
Eyes leaking, chest croaking
tight feeling  like I'm choking
Gasping hurts but needed to soothe the need of a response

"I'm fine, just a bit chesty"

Don't ask any more or i can get tetchy

Lecture me on meds im taking
if my rooms tidy or am i forsaking,
still smoking? buffing and *******  that sweet foam **** till it turns hard and golden tarred like caramel muck.  
Just my luck that the something that makes me feel at ease can send me bending to my knees
not for pleas
But to construct a wheeze
Leaving me
Starting every sentence with please,
help me.
Don't even know what im pleading to
Or Who is listening to the self harmer
With a clear thought that I deserve to be preserved and cured of this karma
Inherited from my grandfather which I didn't know until I was told to ask my mother.

Ask ma

She knows about your Asthma.

She's a self destructor
well known for being a self wrecker
A self pecker
leaving holes to be filled by watless ***** carriers
Frieghts of frightening memories
Sure one day shed love to tell me.
But she destructured herself
And left me for others to construct by themselves.

Destructing the self: is the art of not giving a **** but really not giving a **** to the point that there's no fcuks to give and giving a **** means you're affected by fcuks who dont give a **** or willing to give you an iota of optimism
A helping hand
A hope full of hopeful hopes
Hopping fluently between the structure of the destructed self
Which makes me feel woozy

As i struggle hard to say no to this tobacco
especially when it's been weeks
And the feeling of ease is punishing me for a past ive not seen but i realise in that moment we have much in common

Self destruction is our common denominator
Our choice is the same and is made the same
over and over again
Its still the same
results never change
And still leave us with this taint
That we are responsible for cleansing

So what more do i need to ask ma for?
She's giving me answers by her flaws. That's her gift to me,
her way of setting me free
well here's hoping she breathes easy.