3/5/2014

Decisions,
Directions,
Conflicts,
Connections.

Who's to say I know best?
Everyday is just a test.

To move or to stay.
To breathe or decay.
To love or abate.
To rebel or obey.
To commit or to stray.

Every kiss begins with K,
but then you factor in fate.
I lead a life of ambition,
with no room for indecision.
But I just don't know what's next.
All I do is try my best.

I can't complain or compare,
The results would be unfair.
I have lots, and others little,
yet life, still gets fickle.

I have little family and fewer friends,
who stay until the end?
I'm not worried or sad.
I just wish that I had:
stayed,
prayed,
paid,
or given away.

You live and you learn.
You decide and get burned,
but thus is life.
Everything happens for a reason.
We'll see what happens next season.

Time.
Time to pick.
Time to choose.
Time to stick.
No time to lose.

Compare.
Contrast.
Pro vs Con.

"Decisions, decisions."
I knew all along.

Momma im sorry for every tear I put inside your eye
Im hear to let you know imma try
Try to do better
Be more clever
And pulling your strings like a lever
Imma try to do good in school
Stop hanging around fools
Till everything is cool
I know I made you mad the other night
I was mad about my life
But now I feel alright
I know at times it seems bad
But now im glad
Because nobody has had hatters like I had

you love him
you love his smooth hands and his rough cheek
you love your hands in his denim shirt
and the cinematography of you together
everything else is an afterthought

the knife in his eyes that is not always pointed at you
but when it is
you kiss the fist that rattles plates
the lips that wrap around clenched teeth
melt him

fail to understand his poison tipped arrows
that are aimed at the mother who threw bottles
if he could only pick one more fight it'd be with his father
you kiss him when he knocks his brother's teeth out

he leaves in the morning for coffee and comes back a day later
welcome him with open arms and abundant questions
he will be a tower of irritation and concrete
he will point fingers that will curl into fists
but they are not fists for you
they are for the devils that dance within him
and behind his wild eyes
and in his childhood home

you will not be fooled
he loves you
you know by every sweetheart and the lips on your forehead and the way he smells in between the sheets each night

he leaves
he comes back
purple flowers that bloom around his eyes are the bouquets he brings home for you
the front porch sags when he puts his hands in his pockets
his face buried in your chest
on nights when the lamp swings a little too low
and his body is wracked with sobbing and shoulders shaking

he mourns the gentle temper he never had
he mourns what he would be like without you
he mourns what you would be like without him
this is how he loves you

your hands in his hair easing soothing shh shh
you are the mother who left
you are better than every last ex-girlfriend
for reasons he will be happy to name
this is how you love him

you came because you are drawn to the shipwrecks
but you stayed in the water for him
ancient child
furious soul
you salt his wounds
and then you clean them
this is how you love him