it's sorta kinda my birthday today.
and i know i should be happier than i am right now.
but truth is, i'm not.
i'm pretty much depressed to be honest.
but not that it matters though.

i really just wanted to thank all you bloggers for giving me pieces of your heart,
the kindness and motivation that makes my world seem like a better place at times.
because if there's one good decision i've made in life,
it would be opening up myself to all of you.

this space has made me feel heard.
this space has made me feel wanted.
this space has made me feel loved.

and just in case you didn't know,
every one of you,
makes a difference,
every time.

and
i don't know
if this is me
just overreacting,
but
the only reason it scares me
when the wind causes my bedroom door to slam shut,
is because
i'm deeply afraid
that
i'll get used to the sound of people leaving.

one day you will open your eyes
open them up and see all the lies
they have shoved down our throats
some people dream of blue sky's and butterfly's
I dream of sleeping pills and cyanide
see people are the problem
people and their words
the things they do
the way they don't see how actions hurt
we are blind to the truth
because we chose what we see
the whole picture might as well be history
and you wonder why your children die
cutting themselves up,
marking their arms with scars made by pointed lies
be honest with them
is the world beautiful
or should they carry a gun even to their own funeral

I was so caught up
trying not to lose you
that I ended up
losing myself