seven hells, man!
i was just getting started,
you **** fool!
do you know what that means?
i walk around with
scandalous thoughts of you
a perfectly innocent look on my face
the inside of my lip raw
i had ideas,
you jack ***!
...waiting for boldness to overwhelm me
...waiting for the spring air
    to come in my window and
      make me wild
you deserve a good slap
if you deserve anything at all,
devil above me
devil behind me
devil below me

you feel closetotheskin and
fuzzrough

between the stiff dribble
of your thighs

some mint freshly biting
like balmy when Summer; nights

****** with droll pulling of
pale light Mischievously

which was like the stretching hard
camber of your spinemoutheyessweat r  e   l      e      a   s            ed

I
saw the stars move in circles last
night. Bright sight with thoughts like no
other. My mother did not
exist. The grass kissed my lips but the only words I could
recite—*I saw the stars move in circles last night.

8:25 am
“all i wanted was a little love”
says the voice in my head
and the black cord that connects my mind
to somebody else’s words
tugs at my heartstrings too

bright copper sunshine on fast-moving waves
dull glitter of ice over snow
spindly shadows of trees bent this way and that
striping grey concrete and faded yellow lines
slow clouds covering the last of the night
as it sinks into the roots of the day

“keep your hands to yourself”
says the voice in my head
it’s been one song
since i last heard those words
and i keep my hands to myself
and my mind outside
and my thoughts on the objects and values and colour
and not on the things i can’t see

i see a spreading warmth beyond the window
i feel the same thing in my bones
and i am unable to move now, unable
to turn my eyes away

outside, the cars pass by
and the water keeps flowing
and the sun keeps glowing
and it all looks the same, yet the longer i look
the more it changes

each day i look the same, and yet
i know i have changed
like a river slowly warming after winter
like the sun dissolving clouds around it, not with anger
but with something else
like the concrete of the road supporting those who cross it

this morning, sitting by the window
i had the urge to reach my hand out
and i don’t know why, or what for
but it seemed like the right thing to do

but i kept my hands to myself
i know
i am not ready yet

I shouldn't be in love with you in any way shape or form, but I still am. my body shouldn't be shaking when your eyes dart across at me in the hallway, but I still am. I shouldn't be reminiscing of when you and I were happy and laughing without any fear of the world, but I still am.

and I can feel myself shaking as if an earthquake has shook only my body. tell me why I already know your name even though we are just meeting, are you sure we haven't met before? nervously spilling secrets you already know my hands are shaking and you can see it in my eyes. we meet everyday but you're a different stranger today. are you sure we haven't met before?

and how you dare place the affection I crave into someone's hands who will drop it harder and harder each time.  as I watch you make mistakes with her, I only realize that your soul has shattered into a million pieces that create a picture perfect replica of the glass bottle ill throw at the wall at 3 a.m. thinking of you. how silly of me to think I could be the only flower in your garden.