why do i always
go after myself

pick apart every
single thought

tear myself to
pieces and

find excuses
to not have a
heart?

life doesn't go
according to plan

and two years in
i'm caught in-between
lies i told myself

that buried me
deep within.

there's no mystery
i lived in
make-believe

it was a safety-net,
a fantasy
that made me believe

it could one day be.

but one day,
i woke up and realized

feeling sorry for myself
only goes so far, and leaves
me paralyzed.

i had to move on
from this nightmare.

i had to finally
move past,
and leave behind,

the memories with
rose-colored eyes.

They say the
grass is greener
on the other side

I tried to cross that
line and all I see
is my life in disarray.

Nothing matters
anyway,

For all I know,
misery is here
to stay.

I tried to find
beauty in
negative spaces

But it's the
same story,
same face.

Not a real trace,
a glimmer of
hope,

Just stuck
in this state
of decay,

A poor, mental
state.

Nobody listens,
no matter what
I'm told,

Everyone is in
it for themselves

They don't care
if I fall.

Is there a future left
for me?

Or will I spend
the rest of my life
losing it all?

thought that it
would get so much
better

but next year
showed up,

and i'm stuck
in the same place

floating down
the same river,

waiting for things
to change.

i'm stuck
with the same
thoughts,

same memories,
same feelings
and feeling

oh so lost.

i can't change
who i am,

i can't forget
the past

but i can try
to move on,

because we both
know i can't be

your favorite
song.

a final repeat
before love comes
undone

and i stop this
cassette and
finally

move on.

if this is my
last train stop,

please don't let
me off

i spent a year
on this ride,

travelled over
the hill of
sadness

and up the
streets on
manic avenue

it's madness
that it ends
like this.

i want to let
go, but i don't

want this to be
my last ride.

coming to terms
like this,

i can't help but
think of you,

even as the
voices in my
head

has convinced me
this is the end
tonight.

i don't want
to pretend,

because
i'm still in
love

like i was
yesterday.

if this is my
last stop,

give me one
last chance,

one last kiss,
and one last
dance.

because i don't
know how i can go
on

without a second
chance at romance.

hello, old soul
it's nice to see
you again

did you come to
haunt me, and
remind me of my
sins?

it's funny how i
keep focusing on
the past,

and here you show
up, maker of the dead.

will there be a truce
to this test?

or is violence the answer,
and this is the end?

self-inflicted and
brought closer to
god

wrong heaven,
a quick detour
with no regard

barreling faster
towards the gates
of hell,

asking,
'what have i done?'
as i'm put in a mental cell.

another day
into the next

nothing changes
except the test

same sun,
rain, and
clouds

same ****
life, same ****
town.

medicated,
and can't make
sense of self

the words in my
head blur
again

and i'm right
back to the

same **** life,
same **** high

stuck in the middle,
with no one to save me
this time.

I don't want to die,
Don't want to say goodbye

But sadness destroyed
my confidence and now

I'm back down hiding
everything deep inside.

How can I go on?

When I don't want
to live, don't want
to try

When everything around me
has turned into one big
lie.

Do I exist just
to get torn
and drug down
under?

Is my life just
one chaotic thunder,

striking every last
chance down before I can
grasp it,

or is it my new normal,
and I haven't accepted it
yet?