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Joshua Helmuth Jul 2018
I've returned to this place, but not how I had hoped
The walls peeling, ceilings drip, floorboards curved and sloped
Mildew spreads around corners and shadows swallow light
Thoughts creep in like whispers, forcing me to write
They're in my head again, the infestations swell
Clawing at my eyelids, the night escapes. Oh well
Perhaps I am the intruder
I left this place to rot
Yet, it's the one who evicted me
It is I who I forgot
Joshua Helmuth Apr 2017
Hello and welcome
This is my mind
Sorry for the mess
When I think, this is where the thoughts go
and most of the time this is where they stay
I'd like to say I know where everything is
but that would be a lie
I know that my ideas are somewhere by the door
I was planning on taking them out and putting them on display
I guess I forgot to get around to it
Now where did I put those thoughts I never said?
Oh well.
Here are some memories
but I guess they got damaged when I made room for more
That giant stack over there?
the one that takes up a fourth of the room?
Those are song lyrics
No, I didn't make those.
I just like them.
What was I looking for?
Well shoot.
I guess I'll just come back later
if I remember to remember
Oh?
What did you find?
That?
It's just a little something I wrote up
You can go ahead and take it if you want
It's just a reminder to Organize the Noise
This place just gets so crowed
It feels like the place is going to explode sometimes
So you can take that
There are some things that I just shouldn't keep in
A stream of consciousness
Joshua Helmuth Aug 2016
The sun rose, once upon a time
Long ago
Before this darkness of mine
The light set the world ablaze
A short night
To the longest of days
But the brightness dimmed
The sun died away
And forever night I felt it would stay
Then on the horizon a ray pierced through
Even brighter
A new light brought by you
So now the sun rises once more
And I can see more clearly
Than I could before
Joshua Helmuth Dec 2015
Can you see them?
The wounds internal
Leaping again
Over new hurdles
The air is thin
My skin is thinner
Infection spreads
Pull the splinter

It's been a pleasure
Under the knife
And it's a privilege
To be alive
Surrender is an option
Though it is bitter
It's strength, not weakness
I'm holding the blister
In comes the tide
With a heart closed wide

The right choice
The wrong outcome
Filled with white noise
Mind held for ransom
Personal growth
Ripped out root and stem
Emotional drought
Break down the dam

It's been a pleasure
Under the knife
And it's a privilege
To be alive
Surrender is an option
Though it is bitter
It's strength, not weakness
I'm holding the blister
In comes the tide
With a heart closed wide

Breathing easy
Choke back the truth
Showing the scars
Hiding the bruise

Carrying baggage
And the world's weight
En route to ruin
Stopped at the gate
Learn from mistakes
To make thing worse
No peace at rest
Live through the curse

It's been a pleasure
Under the knife
And it's a privilege
To be alive
Surrender is an option
Though it is bitter
It's strength, not weakness
I'm holding the blister
In comes the tide
With a heart closed wide
This is actually supposed to be a song, but I also like it as a poem
Joshua Helmuth Dec 2015
Can I show you something?
Don't tell anyone else
What I have right here
Is a secret, ok?
Here it is
Isn't it beautiful?
I found it not too long ago
See how it shines in the light?
Look at all the swirls
How they change from
Pale blue to fiery red
Feel it
It's warm
Doesn't it make your body tingle?
What's it called?
I've heard it's name somewhere
I think
It's called
Solace
Joshua Helmuth Dec 2015
Light seems to shine brightest through tears
And color's most vibrant after storms
Joy is only felt because sadness is known
And something new replaces only something worn
The beauty in sorrow is not always seen
So we avoid any kind of lament
But melancholy is mesmeric and somberness shimmers in the dark
It's the misery and grief we resent
Remember this when your heart becomes an anchor
There is great beauty in sorrow, in solitude, in pain
Watery eyes and broken souls aren't ugly
For you can't have a rainbow without the rain
Joshua Helmuth Dec 2015
Each place I stay feels different
But at the core they're all the same
The only thing that changes
Is who I am, though not by name
To find something new
Is difficult to do
When you don't know what you want
And this journey's too long
For the end to be wrong
But the right destination is a taunt
Comfort is the bane of progress
So I don't know why I'm still here
It feels like changing is impossible
I need help to move on from familiar
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