i don’t know how to feel when i talk to you
obviously there isn’t a right or wrong
but sometimes i wish there was

it’s odd because
often times i’ll feel guilty when you show me any form of kindness
i worry you feel forced
i try to comfort myself and believe it’s irrational but

i always feel this slimy flame creep the length of my spine
it crawls from my spine to the base of my neck
it’s grip strengthens, the heat
it might be suffocating me
but in some poetic and artful manner

as i begin to burn
my hair has been set ablaze!
i contemplate the brevity of my existence
my eyes have become unbearably hot!
i ruminate on all of what was and what could have been
my entire body has become entangled with restless heat!

as the light fades
it is light that has overtaken me

in my fleeting moments
i realize that i am lucky
because to burn because of you,
is a pleasure

The lights buzz, alight;
    now we can see blood.
    It's everywhere. It's ours.

And you, endless kindness,
    "Good work, team!"
    "Have a wonderful day!"

it has started
the slow drift
moving across land
******* at the seas
whispering across the earth
charming music from the stones
drawing power from the stars
moving minds
directing hearts
air hums
light crackles
building intensity
the gathered energy
pennants flutter the quiet call to arms
forming
procession

@journeyofdays

Reviles gnaw on her somber thoughts
as she hangs between beige curtains
tightly thick around her neck
absorbing lachrymal crystals under her eyes
Her many faces retreat—implode under
pressure—like glass borne on a cliff
As for her, herself, come forth many
holding stones—boulders to her—
ready to strike this candle;
intimidated by fire, she melts
And as the flames are roused
watch her re-harden: an exquisite tragedy

wildfire.

the more my love grew for you, the more you ran away from me.

protect yourself.
runaway and seek shelter.
pack your things, evacuate and move on.
how you suffered until you couldn't bare it anymore.
you left me alone to burn, consumed by my own flame.

i tried to understand, but I can't.
for you could not love me the way I loved you.
but my love was true, and for you.
you tried to put out my fire, now I realize you couldn't handle the everlasting flame of my love.

my love was the fire.
you were frightened by the thought of being swallowed by the heat of my flame.

i was only trying to love you.
you didn't want to get burned.
you couldn't embrace my feelings.
you ran.
you ran away from me.

i thought i was the light of your days.
but all i brought was darkness.
i thought i was giving you love.
but all I gave you was agony.
my flame gave off dark and hazy smoke, that blinded you.
my love was a wildfire.

i can not realize
if i am dying,
you may find me dramatic
but i have a twisted obsession

sometimes it makes me want to run
far and fast
instead of having this trapped feeling in my chest
causing me so much internal pain
making me feel like its pain is mine
its problems are mine
since my problems are suddenly its now.
i do not know how to help
because everything i do to try to fix this
makes things worse.
i feel as though
i do not deserve it
because it gives me so many things
that i can not give in return.

i am crumbling underneath this pressure
to fix what is broken
to fix it without wanting to change it
because that is wrong.

when i try to reach out i am pulled back by such regret
since it is so kind to me
and it does everything it is supposed to
and gives me so many things i do not deserve
so why am i still sad.

darling
i love you
but i think that's my problem
i love you but you are like a slow acting poison
i love you but you are a ticking bomb strapped to me
i love you but i do not believe in love
i know you are killing me, but i love how you **** me.
when i want to be alone,
darling you miss me
i can see from a distance i'm dying
and i know you want to try to help it
and i know that my better is your worse.
darling we are a match
we make a huge fire
and we burn each other out faster.

you accept me for who i am
even when i don't
and when i want to change
and improve upon myself
you are the molasses stuck to my feet
seeping into my skin
leaving me still
dreading who i am
unsatisfied because i know
i can fix my problem
but you think i am lovely right now.
i embrace change
but darling you dread it.

this isn't me breaking up with you
because you may never see this, darling
this is me telling you that despite all this
i'm still here
because i'm still invested
in every extending branch of your life
darling this doesn't mean
i won't go down swinging
because i can fan our fire
until we burn down forests
and then some.

i am not always sad
its just often
often i'm sad
often i feel little to nothing
but you don't accept nothing
you accept sad.

darling you warned me
you told me that you would get boring
and i couldn't believe you
but these days it seems like
you've told me everything
and its all the same
you try to help my problems
all the same
you answer trivial questions
all the same
i keep digging
but i feel i'm at the core.

i'm the "right here right now" girl
because there were girls before me
and there will be girls after me
and you may forget me
and i may break your heart
and you may act like its the end of the universe
but it isn't
and you'll move on.
you aren't the "right here right now" boy
you are the first
and i don't want you to be my first mistake.

i wish we moved slower darling
so i could get to know the real you
before i volunteered
for something i didn't understand.

darling
this isn't goodbye
because i'm at the core
but ill keep digging
i will sit through this
until i can't,
because i'm alive
and i believe i can be happy
with you, darling
this is just the hurt
written down
so i could know
when someone finally says goodbye
when i found out
that i'm dying.

She comes to me in my dreams
Looking into the darkest corners of my mind
Weaving madness into me
Whispering sweet lies in the darkness
She leaves at the dawn
And begins her ungodly rituals
Deep in the ebony black of the woods
Waiting for the dusk to return
So she can capture the young
To use their blood to summon horrors
May God save us all
For we are falling deeper into her web