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annika Dec 2017
i don’t know how to feel when i talk to you
obviously there isn’t a right or wrong
but sometimes i wish there was

it’s odd because
often times i’ll feel guilty when you show me any form of kindness
i worry you feel forced
i try to comfort myself and believe it’s irrational but

i always feel this slimy flame creep the length of my spine
it crawls from my spine to the base of my neck
it’s grip strengthens, the heat
it might be suffocating me
but in some poetic and artful manner

as i begin to burn
my hair has been set ablaze!
i contemplate the brevity of my existence
my eyes have become unbearably hot!
i ruminate on all of what was and what could have been
my entire body has become entangled with restless heat!

as the light fades
it is light that has overtaken me

in my fleeting moments
i realize that i am lucky
because to burn because of you,
is a pleasure
annika Dec 2017
there’s this nervous energy that’s welling up inside of me
more likely than not
caffeine induced
but it’s here and it’s here to stay

i only write about love or heartbreak
and that’s so upsetting to me
i feel that love and heartbreak make up a small part of me
maybe i just struggle with vocalizing it
so i write ...poorly

you know how people alway talk about having a feeling ‘creep up their spine’ in writing
i’ve even used that phrase before
but i don’t believe i’ve ever felt it
for me it’s always in my stomach and chest
a clenching
a pressure
a grasp
whatever it is,
i’m not a fan
i would much prefer something creeping the length of my spine
it sounds lovely
annika Dec 2017
i don’t get sweaty palms
it’s more so sweaty fingertips
sweaty fingertips followed by dread
no, that’s too harsh

i do think i understand the feeling of butterflies
i tend to feel a certain tingle
it will often devour me
ok, again, too harsh

i don’t think i have a tendency to over exaggerate when i write
of course, i am drawn to certain cliche literary devices
personification
metaphors
imagery
but i feel as though my writing conveys how i feel on a deep and true level

i do think i fancy you
though i’m not quite sure why i use the term fancy
i have never used it before
but it feels accurate enough
it's late at night but i think i'm in love
annika Mar 2017
dear god your voice

i have sat here for the past hour, on the ground, ruminating on my own ****** lack of emotional understanding
i sit here
my stomach infested with moths
my mind becoming entangled with vines of restlessness
confusion
infatuation
angst
more infatuation bordering on fascination
my mind is being enveloped by the somber shadows cast by the incessant, demanding, creeping leafy limbs

i no longer know how to feel

another human has seen past your facade!!
broke the davinci code!!
never once failed to be the voice of reason when you can’t even understand your own voice!!

i love your voice
good god i forgot that this poem existed but i just found it while cleaning out my google drive. i'm honestly not terribly proud of his but it's nice to see that i've improved since this was written.
annika Mar 2017
self loathing for the sake of irony
a deeper meaning waiting to be discovered
an enigma?
no, just an air of mystique

beauty draped with intellect
intellect dripping with thoughts of self doubt

how does one radiate warmth while speaking in subarctic tones

baffling those around
listening with intent
for she is unaware of her power
making her all the more alluring

a modern day siren
possibly
this is dedicated to a true angel
annika Mar 2017
delicate lips tinged with regret
speaking words poetic
self deprecating
insightful

a beauty unseen by self
nervous demeanor
a beauty complex in nature
silent brilliance

hair ablaze
a slimy flame creeps the length of my spine
hair entangles me
i feel myself burn to ash

as i burn in your presence
i contemplate the brevity of my existence
for i am lucky
to burn because of you, is an honor
this is something i wrote about my closest friend, who is a huge inspiration for me.
annika Mar 2017
i love you
i feel a pit in my stomach
i love you
i love you
i do not deserve you

you are an angel
crafted from warmth
sculpted from light
your eyes were formed from the soil of the earth
and your skin the light of the moon

ah

what i would do to be in your presence!

ah,

like the moon tugs in an incessant loop
i am drawn to you

ah?

what would i do to touch your skin
to feel your breath on my neck

to feel,
to feel,
to feel,
you are what makes me feel!
to be adored by you!

ah!
this was written in a somewhat surreal state at very early hours of the morning
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