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I'm in love with someone's daughter
living in the shards of a broken home
Cutting herself on two year-old letters
These are moments she can't fake;
reasons to feel alone
So used to abuse, her tears start to shake
I hold her close as her head starts to ache
"I love you too much,
so I can't let your heart break."
She said, "I know you love me,
but you've made a mistake."

I never meant for anyone to be my pulse.
I promise not to step on your feet
if you teach me how to waltz.
 Sep 2014 Jazmin Huey
antxthesis
Note to self :
Nobody likes you and
Nobody cares.
They're just satisfying their curiosity,
By saying they do.
 Sep 2014 Jazmin Huey
R
In the silence of Your grace,
in the stillness of Your presence
and Your loudly beating heart,
I sometimes forget.

How the lost find their way
and the wounded get healed.
How the brokenhearted are mended
and the broken are made whole.

It is only by Your scarred hands,
in the small whispers of mercy and grace
and encompassed in the gentlest love
that we find our own beating hearts.
 Sep 2014 Jazmin Huey
antxthesis
Maybe you’re wondering why,
Why is it so hard to pry inside,
Inside of me, inside my mind
The crevices the corners and  literally to pry inside – to get between my thighs.
Well what you see is what you get.
The first time you saw me I was with my sister and you said that
I was the one with attitude,  
And to be honest the look in our eyes was saying “I want to kiss her” (mysister)
But in the end,
Your lips were glued onto mine
Your arms around my waist.
But the smell of your girlfriend was still on your shirt
and to be frank,
I think you miss her.

Now we’re in the middle of nowhere,
You and I,
I’m lost but you seem found,
Seems as if I’m all you want
And it seems as if
not even my heart latched onto my ex’s heart could keep us apart.
I know it’s been months
but I still have hope,
I still have the string which tied our hearts,
and it’s worn and I know I should let go,
But sometimes I can see him,
Sometimes I feel him coming back
But when I get a reality check-
when someone pinches me-
when I wake up,
I realize it’s the ghost of our love in disguise.
Our love is dead gone and buried.
He has laid it to rest.
And I still visit the tombstone,
and I take roses in case the ghost of our love smells it,
and it revives you know, come back alive,
and I also cry,  
shed tears maybe they’ll drench through
and be enough to revive our love again.
I also laugh,
Because that’s how you taught me to deal with problems,
“Just laugh at them”
Maybe one day I’ll laugh too loud,
And my tummy and jawbone will hurt
And our love will revive again,
And I’ll see you popping out from behind a tree.
But those are just maybes.

---
And I’m sorry that I can’t give you my love,
I’m sorry that I can’t let you have my heart,
But I can’t let another man rip it apart.
At least let me take time to heal.
I’ll need more than a doctor and bandages.
 Sep 2014 Jazmin Huey
Aver
dont imagine
what it'd be like
dont wish
dont begin the what if's
do not stand before the mirror
do not **** in your breath
nor your stomach
do not watch your waistline
watch your life
as it walks on by
do not shrink away at their touch
say it hurts too much
do not let a passing glance
take up every chance
at a peaceful mind
do not let the demons win
in your head
in your sins
when the angels come knocking
to bring you in
say * go away
my living has yet to begin
 Sep 2014 Jazmin Huey
ln
Fear
 Sep 2014 Jazmin Huey
ln
fear is looking the mirror and watching
all your flaws scream at you
one at a time
every day
fear is never being good enough
to live up to expectations
day by day
minute by minute
fear is running away from reality
because the places in your head
provide a better serenity
every second
fear is knowing you're afraid
but not being able to do anything about it
fear is a vortex
fear ***** out your courage
self esteem
hope
faith
everything, it takes everything away.
fear is a call into the open void
fear is a parallel universe on it's own
fear is oblivion,
fear is the ultimate weapon of destruction
fear is disability
fear is drive,
fear is parasite,
fear is unforgiving
fear is merciless
fear, is what i felt
the day i knew everything i put my hope and faith into,
was a lie all along

forgive the disorientatedness of this poem, it reflected the condition of my *mind and heart.
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