Javier Garza

Javier Garza May 2016

I strike the canvas with bitter paint
Sink the graphite blade through the innocent White
My charcoal hides the stains
This oil will covers the cuts

Is my painting good enough for you?
Tell me now, while the flames lick my soul
Is my gift still what shames you?
Is that what liberates me still a weakness in your eyes?

I may be able to create untold horrors on empty sheets,
I may be able to draw a journey to the soul,
I may be able to give way to a masterpiece,
But to you, all these colors are what make me less than a man

So I'll splatter the ink
Slice the void
Paint my hell
Because this is Art,
This is Life
Because this is Liberation

Often times, individuals have marvelous gifts, whether they be visual arts, musical talents, or gifts that they can't deny. However, they aren't always appreciated by everyone, sometimes not even by a parent who's suppose to love and support their offsprings unconditionally. That however is the sad chapters in the story of life.

#freedom #life #pain #art #mom #unlove

Javier Garza May 2016

All

All I ever wanted was for mommy to say she loved her little boy. To say "I'm proud of you". To look at me without shame. All I ever lived for was to prove my worth to her. To have her recognize me, to say "I love you". To hug me so the demons flee. All I ever longed for, was for a mother. To hold me and say " Don't worry, everything will be OK". Instead, all I've ever received was cold 'love'. I received lonely birthdays, followed by insults and comparison of my younger blood. All I ever received was beatings and rage. The bottle claimed her just as the blade claimed me. All I received was isolation. All I feel now is rage. Rage to her, rage to the world for abandoning me. Rage to my friends for having love, hating then secretly because they're not alone in the middle of a crowd. All I feel is apathy, an indifference to a life that's been unkind to me. I didn't ask to be the monster, so why do they complain when I show all I know? I am just a simple product of society's rejects. All I ever dreamed for, all I ever prayed for, all I ever hoped for, was just to not be alone. But that's all I got, it's all I know.

#love #mom #desperation #rage #reject

Javier Garza May 2016

The Arts To Escape

This rage echos through your inner prison
The fire seeps through the cracks
And the walls turn crimson black

To escape life
Allow the vibrations to make your ears bleed
Let the beats drown reality away
The waves and lyrics will drift away, away, far away
From the pain

You may paint your heart away
Depict your sorrow on a canvas
But is that enough?
Will the shadows capture your tears?
Does the brush relieve you of the insults

Cold apathy
When you no longer care
The burden's become too much
So you let it fall
And walk away from the crashing chaos

You can sing away the days
Your voice won't be heard
Your words will go unnoticed
The melody of the broken thrown to the winds

The chains cold as blades
They wrap around the shards
To hold together what little isn't tainted

You can pray for an end,
But when you alone can't continue fighting
What is left?
Empty canvases
Silent days
Meaningless music

A life not worth living
That's what's left

#depression #pain #art #rage

Javier Garza May 2016

Untitled

You chose the bottle over your family
You made promises you couldn't keep
Drank into oblivion
To numb your pain you let us drown in your drunken sorrow

I chose the blade over you
Chose to cut all ties to not feel pain
I bled all the toxins out
To live without love I gave you all my freezing indifference

Javier Garza May 2016

To Be Free

Masquerades all around
The smiles hide the tears
The laughs hide the pain
The jokes hide the insults

To be free I endured the previous years
Always dreamt when that day would come,
That at last I'd be free
Free of ridicule
Free of scoldings
Free of this imprisonment

You say you love me
That you'd sacrifice it all for me
But your love shows only through anger
The tower of your broken promises becomes your pedestal
And at the bottom, the **** beneath you, is me

I signed my life away
Wishing to be free
I gave away my future
Hoping to escape my past
I said goodbye to my dreams
Praying to leave this prison

Time doesn't come fast enough
Your sharp edge insults lacerate my weak heart
It is when my shield drops that you strike the hardest
Reopening barely healing wounds
The will to fight dies
And the will to be free rises

To be free of your reign
I'll cover my hands with blood
To be free of your tyrannic control
I'll say goodbye to love
To be free of the image you wish me to be
I'll put my life on the line
And if all that fails to set me free,
Then let my soul fly up, up, up
Away from this earthly hell
Away from your corrupted love
Away from the mother who failed to raise her child
But who will not allow that child to be the man who he is

To be free, yes I'll commit this sin
Because to be free, it means to be away from your failed love
To be free
Is all I've ever wanted
To be free is what one day I'll be

#freedom #depression #son #mother

Javier Garza Apr 2016

Our Light

She holds the cross around her neck fiercely
Faith unwavering, she bows for her Lord and Savior
She follows the rules with determination
Even when the rules are outdated,
Her beliefs evolve
They expand and grow
Just like her, to continue on believing on that someone loves us
She prays every night
To those that hurt her,
Hoping that the demons that taunt them will disperse

He walks through life without a care
No desire to believe
No wish to bow,
He claims his life as his own
His soul his and his alone
No one tells him to be good,
But he helps those that are down anyway
Holds the shattered together with a smile,
A smile that hides the scars within
He doesn't believe there's a deity to save him
He is his own Savior

I however refused both of these roads
I will not bow
I will not roam aimlessly
I've developed my own philosophy
One comprised from darkness
Born from pain
Nurtured through abuse
With razor sharp eyes
I see all
I judge all
And try to help all
Because my philosophy is that to live to the fullest,
You must do what you love
Be with who you love
And be who you truly are

She worships her God
He helps those broken like him
And I try to bring some meaning to our lives
And that is the roots of our lives

I'm friends with people of different views and beliefs. Although we may clash at times, we always manage to stay in harmony and peace. If teenagers, the losers who adults claim are good for nothing troublemakers, can understand one another, why can't the adults who run our world do so? It's sad when the youth can understand one another better than the adults who "know" better but instead just pass on hate and pain.

#life #religion #faith #philosophy #spirituality #meaning

Javier Garza Apr 2016

Coin

We're two sides of the same coin. You're the sun that draws people in, who may temporarily be clouded, but who always manages to shine. When the skies get cloudy and you are hidden from view, you're gone for a bit but you're still there, shining, burning, living on. I'm the moon. I'm not always whole, not always here. Sometimes you only see a small sliver of me, sometimes you don't even see me at all. But you'll never see my dark side, for what I hide won't be revealed. Many faces I hold, sometimes you see my red, my blue, my yellow but most of all my silver. Because I shine too. Not as bright as you, but I too am here, shining on through the dark while you burn in the beautiful canvas.

#deep #inspirational #hope #beauty