Javier Garza

Javier Garza Apr 2016

You judge me but you don't know the truth
To preach
To help
You give me your advice
But where were you when I had no one?
Where was anyone when I needed someone to hold me
To tell me things would be alright
When I was broken and dying
There was no one

Life treats everyone differently
It raises us uniquely
It gave you a kind heart
Gave you tear filled eyes
And a beating heart

But what did it give me?
A cold heart
Dead analytical eyes
And an angry heart that beats with fury

To live
I lied
To survive
I evolved
To exist
I died

The self image I created,
The mask which defines me,
My pride that cripples me,
It's all I have in this life

So judge me if you will
Preach to me if you wish
Try to save me if you desire
But the dead can't be brought to life
The forgotten can't be remembered
And I can't be who I once was

#depression #friendship #pain #pride

Javier Garza Apr 2016

Untitled

I'll push the blade deeper in
I'll swallow my pride and shed silver tears

To be near you
I'll keep you close; I'll lie to the world
To not lose you
I'll be someone else; hide my true self

I'll smile the pain away
I'll be the light that keeps you here

To not be forgotten
I'll protect you
To not be ignored
I'll bare my soul to you

I'll sow my lips shut
I'll ignore the fire and burn in solitude

To not be hurt
I'll deny my feelings for you; deny the special glances we share
To not be rejected
I'll push you away; push away the heart you've began to tear

It's odd that I get to see my very past be recreated by someone else. Perhaps I can change their story however, perhaps they can have a better ending than mine. Perhaps.

#love #fear #pain #denial

Javier Garza Apr 2016

Roaming

Roaming these empty hallways
With dead eyes I see nothing of interest
Roaming from room to room
I see no light to lead me through the dark

It's a blind stumble
There's no joy
And all I see are baren walls
As I continue on walking

I keep on searching with half opened eyes
Partly wishing to find some meaning in all the emptiness
Half hoping to find some light to bring back color to this dull life

Cliché isn't it
That it was you who sparked some life in me
With a simple smile
Simply acknowledging me
It gave my life a little bit of meaning

So I continue walking through these empty hallways alongside you
The barren walls seem to have gotten some color
The hallways don't seem as dark
The lights seem to be working again

Then others came
More beings who spurred something deep within
Something absolutely human
It itself was light
And it interested me
A difference from the same dark
So I continued walking alongside my new companions

Together we all walked
No longer did I search in empty rooms
Or gazed through broken windows
Because I somehow managed to leave it all behind when I walked through the door that led to the outside world
To the life full of color
Full of new sounds and smells
To a brand new world full of wonder and interest

But what's most interesting
Is what led me to this world
The friends who brought me here
Who were the light amongst the bland
And the friend who started it all
So I'll explore this new world with him and the others
To see what else I might find of interest
To see what else might give my life meaning

#life #hope #friendship

Javier Garza Apr 2016

Art

Art is limitless
Art is pure
Art is life

Strum a few cords
Hum a melody
Sing from the soul,
That is Art

Paint agony
Sketch misery
Carve beauty
Sculpt time
That is Art

Move to the rhythm
Twirl to the lyrics
Float with notes
That is Art

Capture a scene
Freeze the moment
Time frozen by the lens
That is Art

Breathing each day
Hiding all night
Laughing the pain away
Crying the joyous moment
That is life
And that too is Art

#life #art #beauty

Javier Garza Apr 2016

These Eyes

These eyes, they've seen many things
They've seen the hurting lie to those they love
Seen the ones they love lie right back
Seen humanity hide from itself
For humanity is too terrified,
Too terrified to even trust itself

These bitter eyes, they've witnessed many things
They've witness innocence stolen by hate
Witnessed entire nations lead by ignorance and prejudice
Witnessed the folly in mankind
The folly too great that mankind chooses to repress it
Repress it to not acknowledge the true horror of it all

These aged eyes, they've shed many tears
They've shed tears from abuse
Shed tears caused by corruption
Shed tears for those starving
Shed tears for the dark secrets the globe hides
The secrets frown by society
But the dark secrets that are behind every closed door

These eyes have experienced many things,
Seen many things,
Witnessed many things,
Shed tears for many things
But they've remained open
While my mouth that could maybe bring about change, has remained shut despite it all
Because these eyes of mine have also succumbed to hopelessness

Javier Garza Apr 2016

Decaying Ties

I'm dead inside. You picked a walking corpse as your best friend. While air passes through these lungs, that doesn't mean that a light shines in my dull eyes. With no fire to bring the warmth, I'm cold to the touch. I, your best friend, am the living dead cursed to roam the world with no goal, interest, or life. Not that I care, I am dead after all. But I pity you, you who must endure the company of the decaying, who hurts over the lost, who wishes he who is close to you would live like you do; you, who holds onto desperately to these decaying ties.

#depressing #friendship