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 Jul 2016 Jamison Bell
Miss Grim
In my mind you're a scientist
That sadistic smile sparkles
With the glow of your white lab coat
Another day of tweaking the variables
Measuring the effects of each experiment
Carefully calibrating the potency of your words
To acquire a more spectacular combustion
All just to see
If the power of your consuming lust
Can put out the flames once more
Or if your fragile test subject
Will finally reach her breaking point
And shatter into a state of no return.
Your throat is tight
Don’t you feel the need to breathe?
Before your face turns blue
Do what they say is right
How unbelievable is it
Fixing your mind with glue

It’s fine, they promess
Even if you’re seeing double
And the nausea is too much
You just want to suffer less
Isn’t this worth the trouble
When you’re in a rush?

Life is about to start
What’s broken needs to heal
What’s lost needs to be found
They tear your mind apart
Can’t even tell what’s real
But it’s alright, you’ll come around
 Jul 2016 Jamison Bell
River
Changes
 Jul 2016 Jamison Bell
River
I've been making changes everyday
Since I decided I didn't like the way
I felt and thought
And I only realized today
Seeing myself in the mirror, that I'm different
I speak different now
I smile different now
I think different now
I'm different

It's like, I'm different
But exactly the same
It's hard to describe
It's just I have so much less pain
Before i was stressed and
Hurting
Always disconcerted
But now that's lifted,
I feel loved, light, gifted

This is for all the hopeless, that see no point in
Continuing on in their transient misery
Well, this is my testimony
And I hope you take it to heart
And treasure it as a keepsake,
It serving to remind you and convince you
That your ailing heart
Won't ail forever
Things change, life gets better.
wont be long before shes blowing trumps trumpet
***** little cuntservertive strumpet
armageddons coming unelected to the ball
this ******* party is going to drown us all
military fluffers for when the going gets tough
were all going **** diving and its going to be rough
all the ****** in the universe couldnt help me get it up
for our new prime sinister and its new world ******
lets hope the ***** puts our gitmo somewhere nice, I suspect Ill be visiting soon
 Jul 2016 Jamison Bell
Lvice
You and I talk about beauty like we see and know what it looks like.
Though we never say why or how we think it’s beautiful.
Tell me. Scream it.
Use the air from your lungs and tell me how ugly you are.
Use that air and taint it with everything beautiful about hurting someone.
About executing the pride that comes in their own humanity?
Tell me is it fun?-
destroying their belief that the world is lovely and showing them how hateful it really can be.
It’s so rare to find someone who finds beauty in the downfall of someone else’s understandings.
  
  You see..we’re part of this tight clique and whenever she feels the need to be unshakable
I build walls up around her because she may be hard-headed but I am hard-hearted.
She’d pull me on a string but I’d always be on her side-or standing behind her-
ready to take on however many knives are thrown at her back.
  You didn’t ever think you weren’t beautiful and why should you start now?
You never second guessed your weight-
until suddenly their words are so heavy you can’t hold yourself up on your own anymore.
  I’m so proud of how huge you keep your values even as they keep being belittled, how they never shrink your bravery or your courage.
I loved how you refused to see it until they saw through your shield, right at whatever you saw was in your heart and worthy at protecting.
Please just tell me what it is that cuts you up so deep you’re left with so many scars that I can never see...
You have to know that not knowing how to heal them is killing me!
  You hide your pain away and distract me from the sadness in your eyes; you know you can’t hide that from me,not ever and definitely not forever.
I saw how they took the smiles from your days, like the sun from the blue skies
and rain can’t go unnoticed!
  The scary thing about having glasses now is that there is no more hesitation in what I see when I doubt it that you’re sad, there’s a certain sharpness in your tears that weren’t there before.
They contradict the fairness of how great the world was-
ah it was so pretty until you see that time doesn’t always heal.
It is less than amnesia that only makes you forget...but you can’t forget the marks on your skin as you can see them daily.
  Time wears thin and stretches ‘till one day you hear something snap inside of you.
Where does it end? When you can’t take it anymore and you long to not feel their words bounce off of you anymore-
for their shots to sink in and you think you deserve it..
You’d willingly take their blows...
But I’d willingly take all of yours for you.
  I heard you whisper once that I was a bully.  
I heard your plea..I know you were really yelling for me to rescue you and my mission was to get you out alive.
I’m not perfect. But I’d sure try my best to forgive my flaws for you to look at all of yours
I’m not a teeny little thing like you..I have curves that wind and sometimes I get lost in them trying to find myself.
But I know better..I cannot be lost because I know where you are..on my compass helping me to when I come to remain at your side.
My thoughts used to vary from, ”If I spilled my secrets with my lunch then maybe my heart will be lighter..”
to
“If I painted my face with shades as pink and vulnerable as yours then maybe I’d be as porcelain and fragile as a doll.”
  No. No more. I can’t sit back anymore and watch you break into pieces like fine china when I’m still putting myself back together from the last time I fell.
Life is a puzzle-it is in pieces-we are made to find the pieces that fit into our souls-
You are a piece of my soul,you are part of my puzzle!
You are my missing piece and without you I wouldn’t be whole.
  I only know what feeling whole is like because you have showed me and I will never let you
go even a day without feeling my love-all the lengths of it.
I can only hope I can make you see that you no longer have to question the heights of your limits and the widths of your personality-because they can go no further than where you let them.
These are the only things you should want to measure-
but toss away your rulers and tape measures because I will never give you a capacity.
  You are not a shape like a square where nothing is outside the box or
a circle when everyone outside is an outsider and you worry about making the cut just to fit in.
You fit in anywhere you are-so never worry about where you think you belong,you
belong wherever you think you do,and I will make sure that is where you are.
  You are a shape that defines where your edges meet and how deep anyone has to go to see you-
not the painted figure with eyelashes too dark and lips too red-
but you.
The silly girl with sideways smiles and bright eyes.  
  If you are a sea of jokes then I’d drown in any “Knock-knock” until I come to rest at your door.
Don’t give me that whole, “I don’t deserve it.”
I don’t care if you think you do or not
But you, are worth it.
  Worth all the nervous  “How do I look?” ‘s you give me
Worth the play fights and being thrown off the bed at 1:00 A.M.’s
Worth all the “I’m ugly” ‘s you throw my way.
I’ve never seen anyone any more beautifully broken.
If I have to stay awake forever putting you back together,
then there’s never been anyone more worth it than you.
I wrote this earlier this year for a friend being bullied..
No one should ever feel the way she felt. Pass on the love!
Some people say that they will give you the world!
Forgetting the world exists inside of your head,
with every sense, behind our eyes we create the universe...

Silken shirt slides over bare shoulders, my soul rests upon my skin.
Secrets lay between my thighs and you eat them as if they taste of truth.
A quickening pulse, shaking hands. My body language hides words in the hollows of my neck,
but your tongue can't decode the difference between ******* and falling.
Its only when I try to breathe you in, that I realize.
                                                    
  ­I can't breathe deep enough.
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