Ive never thought this human being can hurt an individual like myself as much as she has
i never thought she can grab my heart and crush it as if i was just the girl next door instead of her allegedly forever..
i never thought she can hurt me and make me shed tears that can fill up an empty ocean
i never thought she can give up on something that was so beautiful, full of butterflies and sweet soft smiles so easily.

I miss your smile, your heart, your gentle touch and the special pet names that would always make me blush even just 2 days before you shattered my heart

i just want you back in my arms so i can make you- you again

Oh please come back ive never been one to pray to God but oh for you? Ill pray for you in this universe and in any other universe over and over again

I hope you find happiness within yourself again
but
i just pray its with me by your side..

I believe we still exist somewhere in the universe
maybe in a different galaxy or
possibly just behind the moon
fading into the stars  
where all soulmates go when the love disappears
I can see us near the moon
smiling
laughing
and sharing thoughts
the way we were 2 light years ago

When I look up at the sky  
I can feel your blue eyes burning my skin
to the point that I have to squint and wipe a tear
with the hands you wanted to hold

I believe our promises are kept there
running around with their hands held like children filled with happiness not knowing that the promise will let go and crash hard onto the ground, shattering every light that you might have inside

I believe what we had is
somewhere out of reach
where neither of us can ever touch again
and it is as dim as a little star you can barely see in the sky

and although, in this existence  
we became nothing but chaos and shadows in between the woods
we are there, we are alive, we are happy

but we are not in love

j.f//j.v

its so hopeless and i'm so frustrated because i know you wanted me.. on those days i drove 30 minutes just to see you, to kiss you, and to be held so close to you to the point that if you squeezed a bit tighter id lose my breath. i could feel your eyes giving me a sunburn as i watched the television screen and id smile just to hear the words "youre so cute" come out of your mouth. Being together and pretending what we had will last for a long time, that the moment would stand still but at the same time i feel that all of it was just something for you to do on your free time, even though you deny it. i remember a tear crawling down my cheek as i watched your delicate hands making me the same sandwich you made the first day we met all because i knew this was all just going to be a memory engraved in my brain. That in a matter of time it will all just end.

i cant imagine you actually missing me when days of us not seeing each other pass by even though when that happens you send me texts saying how much you miss me, wishing you were with me, and how you hate that you cant have me. (even though its all your fault.) you tell me how you have a feeling that i have no interest in you or that i couldn't care less if we just stop speaking but really.. that's how i feel about you and honestly, i like you way too much; i'm afraid it will scare you

it hurts knowing that in life people come and go all the time. That at any moment you will just be a memory. it hurts knowing that one day you'll just think that i was fun while i lasted but that you never wanted to make me officially yours. you'd only ask me if i was yours when we were on your bed. i want to matter more to you, more than just a text at 3 am telling me how you wish i was in bed with you and how you're thinking of me. i want texts at 7 pm saying you want me to get all dolled up to show me off at dinner. But its selfish and unfair of me to want you to see me as something more when you actually don't, but its okay, even if you would have extended your hand to hold mine i don't think we could have gone as far as i hoped for. i loved us together, i loved our connection, i loved our chemistry just as much as you did.

but i'm excited to hold a girls hand who wouldn't want to let go until its time to let go. i'm glad i haven't been careless with my heart even though i allowed your fingernails dig deep into my heart but i've finally pushed you away and now the holes are bleeding out but ill be okay. they will soon turn into scars.

next time i know not to give all of me to someone who never asked for all of me in the first place..

j.f //j.v

I was gonna write to you again
but then I remembered that you actually dont care a slight bit anymore

so I decided to grab my old pencil instead of my phone and write about you

even though I might have seemed
like I dealt with it perfectly fine like
I wasn't going to miss you
.. truthfully, I miss you deeply
and I've been drowning with the thoughts of missing you since then

but I want you to know
that I still think
you're as lovely as the sunsets
yet as deadly as the dark night

and I don't know if you remember anymore because after everything
we were or at least what I wanted us to be you always said the way I would describe things were beautiful...
that my mind was beautiful...
even that i was beautiful...

and I remember thinking I wish I can tell you how much I truly love you with you by my side because I know you wanted me to

i know i kept my feelings hidden
but when i write..
all hidden is out

what a shame though..
you wont ever read this

anyways, I want you to know
that I am happy that youve moved on
but ****** that you're not happy with me

but know that I'll still
give you my heart, even the moon since it's much bigger than I can ever be, h e l l, ill give you the whole universe even if you don't want to share it with me anymore.
j.f

I can't sleep at night
there's an emptiness in the dark
that Im trying to get a hold of
and its when you'd keep me
up till 3 am because you cared

It's been 2 months since
you found her and
since we actually spoke
but you're still in my heart and
still keeping me up late at night.
You actually expect me to forget the words, the lies you told me,
our nights, us, you.
You expect me to just pretend none of this ever happened
only because you found her and she now owns your nights

but you know why it's so ******* impossible for me to just let go of you? Because every song, every book and every movie,  reminds me of you
you ruined my favorite things and now I can't even listen to a song because I know you liked it and I would tell you i liked it because it reminded me of your words
now my favorite song is the song I hate the most

you brought me back from hell just to bring me right back in it and oh god I felt heaven for a while and it was all you, it was you, I hate you.
You ****** me up with the phrase "I like you as a friend" after everything you ever said to me I hate you I hate you I can't wait for the day I fall asleep without you in my head, without the tears in my eyes and fall asleep with a smile in my face because I know I deserve better

j.f

You never loved me
You did not love me
You only loved the attention I gave you
You loved how mad I will get when you ignored me the way you would
You loved the fact that I would drop anything just to be with you and be able to touch you
You did not love me, but oh God, I really loved you

j.f