It's been 3 months since we last spoke, really spoke.. not just guilty hellos and scattered goodbyes when the clock hits 11
and just like that, you decided to say that we were just friends when you knew we weren't
we couldn't be after what we used to be and my heart shattered like the vase I had on my delicate hand when you said you don't know if you love me anymore

i told you I still had feelings that haven't quite gone away yet and you kept quiet

you had always told me how one day you pictured walking up to me telling me about your day with a sweet smile saying that you will forever love me

you were the only thing that ever kept me as a whole and just so quickly you became the only thing that kept me empty

j.f

I promise you that you deserve better. You deserve someone who will call you late at night just to hear your voice and not let you fall asleep when you're mad, crying wishing I'd call you to tell you what you've been waiting for. I've poured all my poison into you that I can't pour the water to let the flowers grow again and Im sorry I'm really sorry I promise you that once you let go of me you'll be able to find the love that you wanted with me but with someone who deserves all of you

1:08 a.m. - I wish you'd say this to m

it's so terrifying for me to hear you say you love me and see that you do not do a single thing about it I know you are what my heart wants but doesn't need but know that I am so enchanted by you but that now I can't say a single word about this to you ever again because I learned from your words that you and I are not meant to be

j.f

You seem like you
would taste like a
thousand different girls
like you would
feel like the sunlight when
it's 20 degrees outside

you ate hearts like
the wave eats the shore
which now makes me
under the waves
feeling the coldness of the water
not being able feel the warmest of your heart and now I'm washed away like every other wave you have swallowed

j.f

******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* *******

j.f

I have secrets written down on scraps of paper thrown underneath my bed but you're my biggest I took advantage of you and how you felt when I would make you smile I made you feel like a grain of dirt in my garden and I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I thought I was innocent and perfect that I could do no wrong especially to you but it was all a lie I made myself believe and you believe for so long I hate that I hurt you and I hate how I can't take any of it back I cannot stand the thought of you wandering around today or years from now thinking of me as a storm who did not do anything good but destroy it's precious surrounding I really pray that the thought of me does not pass your mind when you are sad and that I'm not pinned in the back of your mind but out of your mind I cannot stand to think that you will remember me as someone who broke you instead of someone who loved you

-something I wish she would say to me.

j.f