as i recall the joyful tune
of your whiny voice:
complaining, complaining
i hear my heart whimper
it quivers, it quivers
it brings me eye to eye with the mirror
as i inspect my memories;
the same scars you call my mistakes
the same extensions you cut off

i've got more:
more blunders, more experiences
more love, more pains
dear god, you know nothing

i will reclaim my youth
and refuse to surrender to your dissatisfied jokes
how can you possibly know what it means to be whole,
when your purpose is to pick up the slices;
the shreds that i can sparingly call
my happiness?

so whine,
loop your futile tips and tricks,
attempt to fix me.
do it all over again.

**i am perfect the way i am

Exploring hands encounter no defence;
Recollecting endeavours drives her to a dry pain
Throbbing, throbbing
Hamlet's hamartia discards her to *the lowest of the dead

His vanity requires no response;
Her life on the line and he's got nothing to lose.
  So much more the eye can see
Caressing, caressing

Her brain allows one half-formed thought to pass;
  Leave me, carbuncle:
Words she has never been able to utter . . .
Loudly, she thinks it
It doesn't translate
Shivering, quivering

Brittle monster bestows one final patronising kiss
  I must exercise some form of self control

Hardly aware of her departed lover,
She lays in a yellow blanket;
Phosphenes in the emerging light of day.

i know, that when you step out:
the sun will shine brightly on you,
fire will sweat to ashes as it meets you,
and flowers will melt to a pulp to respect you.

never, never know what it is to fall.
tread lightly, sweet soul;
for it's a trap, and the sand falls the tighter you grip it.

**this world belongs to you.

here i emerge, resilient as ever.
i am ethereal. i will spawn my soul.

i will love you here, now.
you will see me not as flesh and bones,
but as a series of frequencies;
blue, giant, intense, fluctuating,
or
red, a dwarf, calm, stable.
aloha - most clearly with my eyes shut.
for today i am a star. today i'm with the star.

As the light and shadows of overthinking roll over,
And the yellow raspberries start to doubt their realities,
I'll be here - owning nameless cats and refusing to buy furniture;
Lusting for the life I thought I had, green-eyed and sadistic.

Let's take a selfie. TRIPLE CHIN!

As you swipe for filters,
And draw a ***** on your friend's face,
I'll be here - fighting the urge to be useless;
Tapping and holding for fake friends.

Selfies. We've been afflicted with this terrible, god-awful disease.

And as you post a shaky video of your boyfriend driving?
And laugh at that joke you know you didn't find funny
I will be here - throwing my circles of seconds away.

**Three, two, one.

Two sides, four faces.
A god of some type, enraged.
Three eyes open, five hearts broken.

How the man who taught me morals
Went astray . . .
and I can't help him.
He won't let me teach him
The very same things
That he taught me

So I breathe through the filthy air!
Reminds me of a home;
One that is now liquified.
How bitter it is to swallow fire . . .

I trail through the tracks;
A horse amidst a mess of baggage.
Unsaddled;
To trot on
Into the fine truths of this world,
This one we call our abode.

i still slap my soul,
and drown myself in allergy.
it's autoimmune, me against myself
and i don't know who's winning.