Ismahanwrites

Sep 2018

Lyn-Purcell

Hide

I feel the darkness grow and stalk
                     the halls of my mind,
        whispering words of mockery,
                  words that I cannot help
                                but take to heart...

What if I am not good enough?
                                Am I a failure?
                   What if I can't do this?
                    Am I lying to myself?
What if I make a fool of myself?
                    Am I truly talentless?

  All of this runs around my mind,
       having me chase and bite and
      pull my own tail as the darkness
         laughs, loud, proud and cruel.
             Am I just wasting my time?
           Is the quill and ink meant for
                              someone like me?
           Am I even good at what I do?
                   I don't know what to do
                   I don't know what to think
                            All I know is...is that
                                            IT HURTS

It all hurts too much...
Far too much...

                       How I want to hide...

I couldn't fully cage my anxiety and depression,
but it's leaking out of the cracks, making me
feel restless, tired, weak and making me question
everything I do.
...I guess It's fortunate that this is happening before
I start my course on the 17th of this month,
But it's so draining to deal with.
I feel so exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally.
I feel like all my energy is being ****** out of me... I want to scream and cry...
I need a break and fresh air so I'm going for a walk.
I'll be back soon.
Lyn

#hide #depression #anxiety #fears #drained #emotional #sad #darkness #question #life

Ismahanwrites Sep 2018

Love is

if you call this love then what would
you call what we had what we had it was not love
cause the moment you left was the same
moment i found myself happy free out in the wild
if you call this love then what would i call it a
disease a illness that made me hate oxygen air itself
if you call this love then honey love is kind
love is not a bruise love is kind love is tender
love is patience love is not loneliness love is feeling
happy not unhappy love is a man loving his woman
love is not a man hitting his woman or mistreating his
woman love is kind love is not abuse

love is earth itself happiness surrounds it

#loveis #love

Ismahanwrites Jul 2018

Woman

We sacrificed a lot and
yet no one appreciates us for it

- To be a woman

#woman #women

Ismahanwrites Jul 2018

lost daughters

It started with small bottles then small bottles became long liquors then long liquors became drunk house guests then drunk house guests became sleeping over in hotels then sleeping over the hotels became moving out from the house because he felt unsafe with his daughters.

it is a probelm when fathers blame you for their mistakes

#fathers #alcohol #daughters

Ismahanwrites Jul 2018

alcohol abuse

alcohol effects on the body

1: it can change the mood and behavior
you say you are leaving the house angry spitting blood
on floor your eyes are red as trantula and you say we are too much but we are not asking  for anything
the maids are running for their lives leaving the house  because of you of your behaviors you dont care about these crimes these charges are  you? oh wait your are intoxicated

2: High blood pressure
you replaced your morning pills your whole entire morning routine straight off you go to bar shoeless wearing the same t shirt of last week

3:Heavy drinking takes a toll on the liver
you come back your eyes are red as trantula as if you were crying you are in hurry again you are asking for food the floor is covered with spits blood spits

4:Chronic drinkers are more liable
to contract diseases like pneumonia

i wish he could
i wish he could just stop killing himself

dear dad i hope you stop this behavior

#alcohol #abuse

Ismahanwrites Jul 2018

i am

I am the witch that crushed hearts
and tore them open
I am the opportunist of a girl
That takes advantage of now
I am the idiot of a girl that grows
close to girls who dislike her girls
who wants what is best for them only
I am the boss of a girl that will close
these chapters and walk forward
and rest in arms of self love instead
of self harm

there will come a day where you have to choose yourself

#choose #you #loveyou

Ismahanwrites Jul 2018

i am

i am a work in progress
i am a work in progress
and i am owning every bit of this flawed
sentence because
i am her

it will take time to build yourself all over again so take your time and own it

#ownit #loveyou