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jas May 2019
there is a problem that I keep facing
you see, usually, I get drunk and seem to forget the reason why
but here I am sober
and I still remember
the reason I wanted to drink
to stop thinking
I can't help myself
so pretty sure i've gone insane

I know, I know all my poems are so relatable
you can tell this writing is me

but no, this feeling is different
i've liked people before
so no big deal

but this one,.


my breath is taken away
my heart stops a beat
this is a whole movie waiting to happen


--------------------
jas May 2019
u
seeing inside your soul
can hide from everyone but me
i see

through my heart
my soul
my mind
unfolds
when i see the real you
jas May 2019
to get into a car
is such a valuable suggestion
to go places
you've never suggested
to predict the future
of the path less taken
or rather known
in signs of an injunction


to reach a car
a moving vehicle, that is
to not experience the case of lethal injection
although not taken my body
nor forced
this type is called anxiety


this type is called
I wish you could see
personally struggling
what you caused in me.
to be never encountered, by you.

I'm ashamed that there is a power you hold over me
and within a few hundred miles
within a distance of no reciprocation

you have that power
the power I should not digest

stringing along with my mind
slowly waiting for it to die
not a horrible death but you along with it

you see, I'm terrified
of reaching the road
any of which are paved out
nor drunk or sober me
can handle this disease

unspoken for now...
although one day

I'll be free.
free from you
free from the road
anxiety in a diff level
jas May 2019
lately,
i've thought about my anxiety
how it rised to be
never before a few years had happened
before I went through a traumatic experience
no, explanation

yet, it still haunts me to this day
do you remember?
I bet you don't

you see these are my struggles
in my day to day activities

as much as I tried to ignore that part of my life
I can not.
not for the life of me.

years passed and here I am struggling with a form of PTSD..

this is not a poem
but in order for me to write
I must write about my struggles
what's keeping me from achieving certain goals
I cannot continue to live this way
although, every single face
reminds me of that one brief moment

I can't escape

I wish this was only a poem and not real life
I don't know how much more I can take
this kills me
slowly

even if you read this
I know you would never understand


experiencing this is not the same
as when we parted ways
this is not a poem

it's not...
struggling with car anxiety... if you will.
jas May 2019
butterflies in my stomach
or is it just nerves
I feel all too much
to feel such a bug
with wings that could soar
I could never

a few moments being in your presence
cause me to overthink every situation
hundreds down the road of my brain
catch a breathe just to keep from going insane

these emotions are dangerous
never would I recommended
it's unraveling thinking about you


do you feel the same?
is this all a misconstrue?
a dream? or living humility

a symbol of butterflies creeps into my soul
don't understand if this is good or bad
time will tell
half glass or full

or maybe the glass is crushed..
having a crush. idk.
jas May 2019
spreading myself thin
giving away pieces of me
feels too late to quit
but I can hardly breathe

deep inside
it's antagonizing

I know
I keep doing this **** to myself
can blame no one else
for my faults

I keep on giving
more than what's deserved
an impulsive decision
putting other people first

giving in
to the worst
giving in
giving all for nothing
jas May 2019
you are the most beautiful person i've ever accepted into my life
my heart tingles sending electrifying waves straight through my veins
drawing ever sense of mine to
your soul

the power of connection that brings two spiritual beings to collide into one is indefinite
your aura annexes the neurons traveling throughout my body

this path appeared without my knowledge of intertwining fate
in where I'd never encounter a most perfect individual
one full of the universe multiplied by years of worth

till the end of time and back, for there is no death of a soul
if I could just freeze this ripple in time where our bodies encounter
with a warm intoxicating embrace
so exhilarating,

in this life that exists today,
I'm delighted to have accompanied your presence
an aesthetically pleasing inner being

one that encourages me to have a better perception of existing
to live life vicariously with a passion

a mentor
beloved friend
one who reads my soul like an open book


you are my soul and I am your mate.
influential in every way
the words that you say
leave me crazy
but in a good way
I swear

i've been putting my actions into words
I cannot compare to observe
so if you, you know


my soulmate
i wrote this for one of my dear friends i enjoy. much love for you - p
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