To Have bones in your body...


                                  Tonsils in your throat,


Teeth in your mouth,


          
                                         Taste buds on your tongue,



A heart beating in your chest





And still manage to feel unbearably empty?

Every single day
A battlefield of chaotic traumas erupt
A red blur of trouble finds me
God lets this happen to me for I am suppose to trust him, but how long does that trust stretch before Im broken down and all those who are suppose to stand with me are against me, and I am alone in a world full of humans

"Live" spelled backwards is "evil" and "lived" backwards is "Devil"

I could feel your lips upon mine one last time.

knowing that the beautiful
Romantic guys in the movies
don't Exist in the real world
But at least my imagination
Lets me think "he" exists

Had to get a cigarette to inhale the bad ****
And exhale the ******* .

The fact that you feel so utterly and painfully alone, Having flashbacks and vivid dreams of what use to be

but what use to be isnt your reality so its hard to face it.
Its so hard to come to terms with the fact that you need him but he doesnt need you

You made the mistake of making him your world and loving him more then you love yourself




To Be Continued. . .

If I were you
I'd cherish every moment with me
Because I won't be this way forever.

I've never met anyone like you

You actually like me for me

when do people actually find that these days?

Heavy eyelids and burned cigarettes,
No sleep
And poison in my veins
Pink lips and sunken eyes these days,
Self consious and bitterly depressed is my state of mind,
Fidgeting fingers and sweat glands,
My nervous outcome,
Love and happiness are things I crave,
But to you, this is all I am.

Stop blaming yourself
When life did you wrong.

All of his friends kept dying
And then You decided to leave as well
You told him he deserved better but all he wanted was you
Your so **** selfish
Because you left that boy and he needed you.

Why is it that when the sunny happy day retires
And the mysterious moon shows it's face
Our feelings sprang up like zombies in a grave
Bursting free of life
But only at night, and not in the day?

Look away when I speak to you and I'll know that you don't care of what words roll off of my tongue,
Kiss me normally, not with eagerness and that tells me that there is no love here,
Treat me like I'm a stranger and I'll feel like an intruder in my own home,
Act like you don't care about me and the recognition will click in my head that you no longer love me,
And I am the only one loving myself.

I couldn't find any candy or fruit that
Tastes sweeter than your lips.

And I'm still hurting.

When your crying on his doorstep
Begging him to let you in because he changed the locks on you, and it didnt make sense to you because he's the one who cheated on you, but you didn't leave him because no one has ever loved you like he did, around this time last year is when you fell in love with him, but this year he ends up leaving you. It's gonna make sense now because I was in your position, I went back to him over and over until i was empty. Until I had nothing left to give and I thought I'd stay with Him I'd get my heart back at least.  It's gonna makes sense now but please don't go back to him, let him be. Because ******* like that never change.

I see the world so beautifully
From the cotton candy sunsets
And the dancing trees
The Oceans waves
The peach sun rises

I've never seen a soul in this universe
Appreciate the world for what it is

And I've come to the conclusion that its the people....

Who make this world so evil.

I wanna be the song that lifts your spirit
I wanna be the warm water that calms your bones

I wanna be that soft pillow that comforts your head
I wanna be the hot tea that keeps you sane

Do you understand anything im saying?

~

I wanna be the reason for the butterflies in your stomach

I wanna be your first thought when it rains

I wanna be the diary to your thoughts

I wanna be the light you'll be looking for in dark

Do you understand what im saying?
~



I Wanna Be Yours.

" Hungry fingertips anxious to feel even an inch of your soft skin "

And today was really ...
          
              really bad..

I want friends that'll love me unconditionally
Friends that i can sneak out with at 3am to run to wawa and get smoothies
Friends that'll cry with me then we get revenge on that ******* together (:
I need people who are fun and not afraid of the world and would give the ******* to anyone who spoke bad about us
I need friends who I can run to and trust with my entire life, ones that will help me smile when the rain is pouring in my brain and won't leave when things look like they won't get any better.

Don't confuse me or hurt me
Just because you don't understand
Your own feelings.

Physically, emotionally, spiritually confused.

Darling

Night time was made for us to say things we couldn't say during the day

Words can cut like knives

They can cut you open

So be careful of what you say

And a heart can only go a certain length

Before it finally breaks

They told me to fall in love with life, nature, the sun and the moon. I didn't listen, I went with my instincts.

I fell in love with you
instead of the sun and moon and I regret nothing.

You told me It was math that you were bad at and history you didn't remember,
You reminded me that science was your worst subject and reading to you is boring,
Then our teacher told me that you got a B on your report card for math and passing grades on history and science, I was told that reading was your greatest subject and when you lie you blink twice,
you've been blinking everytime we have a conversation, every single thing you've ever said to me was a lie, I wasnt paying attention to the signs only your eyes that kept blinking but I liked the color so i didn't think twice.

The knowing of ever lasting loneliness
Is disturbingly suffocating to deal with

It's that feeling you get when you don't exactly know what your feelings

He was once your everything
then all of the sudden he wanted to mean nothing
And then the heartbreak eventually became a memory
And now you walk past each other on the streets like strangers who were never ever in love

I knew loving you was becoming a problem when
I realized I could no longer sleep on my own at night
I needed pain killers just to throw me into that oblivion
But sometimes,
Even that doesn't even work.

I don't know maybe it was the way you smiled at me everytime our bodies brushed one another's when we would walk side by side
Or maybe it fascinated me how much
You loved every single thing I did
And how much you inspired me to be better
Or maybe just maybe it was the fact that when every single thing seemed wrong in my life
You would figure out a way to flip every situation and make it feel right
                   And for that
I Love You

I still hate life
And I still want to die.


How about you?

But god, the bad things are much more seductive

I don't know...How do you stop the bad memories from flashing through your head?
It's like a nightmare that repeats when I'm awake and asleep

A never ending reminder that My past mistakes are permanently stamped into my insane brain
Laughing at my miserable state.

I hate love

But it's so seductive.

In you, I found myself.

Im misguided and misunderstood
Frankly like sticks and wood
Feeling useless and unwanted
How could anyone ever want this
A distant sense of a ghostly presence
Taking my place in my absence
Substitute my every move
But being me takes constant practice ~

And whenever you feel alone
I want you to take comfort in looking at the moon
Cause even though I'm not there with you
I'll be watching the moon too ~

I'd Love You Forever.

It was the way you talked to me
The way your eyes sparkled every time you expressed your infatuation with me
Or was that me talking through you?
You are the highest degree of perfection in my mind your are mine.
Mine. Mine. Mine.

I carry you with me like another main accessorie on my body

Your stuck to me like a leech in a ***** lake
Longing for blood

Constantly racking my brain preventing
Me from moving on to a happier place
in life

Your my past

Why cant you leave me alone and let me be
You live in my blood stream and control
My every thought

But your my past

See I tried a therapist
and I tell you what they say to me isnt
Helping

why do they try to convince me that my problem comes from deep rooted childhood memories

How can they know that if I told them my childhood was great

Well that's how I remember it

So **** the therapist thats trying to convince me that this isnt my fault

Because it is all my fault.

Through all the madness around me
You've been my constant, my happiness

I need you |

It was last night that I've wished for only the simple things with you
Like long kisses and to stay in your arms forever

Or for at least the rest of the night

But tonight I wonder if I'll ever get you
And why can't I permenatly alter my appearance so that I can be a true beauty in your eyes?

Tomorrow night it'll probably be a long prayer
Asking God to bless me with me you

For the millionth time.