I go out to dinner with a near stranger
we sit on the same side of the booth and
I think about how you're the only one who
knows how much I hate that

I drink a drink with ***** and lime and
***** and it almost makes me feel like
I know who I am when I'm with someone else

I don't think of you often but last night I did
I remembered how your arms are the
only place where I am not self-conscious

I lie next to him on my balcony and
there are a lot of stars above us but
I'm the only one who notices

he is thinking about what I look like naked and
I'm counting how many hours of sleep
I will get if he leaves before 2

there is not an absence of feeling,
just a different kind than I'm used to
he touches my hand and I smile in
a way that doesn't feel forced

I spend a day with a near stranger and realize
there is so much he does not know about me,
so much he doesn't care to

like how I got my nose pierced at 14 or
the amount of time I spend in the mirror each morning
picking myself into something I can carry only semi-confidently

he only learns I can't ride a bike when he asks if I want to
he has no idea that my blonde is shielding a deep brown or
when I got the freckle above my lip or
the inch long scar underneath my chin

he doesn't care and that's okay
when he leaves we say I miss you but
in a different way than I'm used to

it is not a pain swelling to be morphined
nor is it a pulling from the gut but instead
it is the ever temporary desire to fill the excess lonely

we say I miss you and still mean it but
it is not the missing that a body feels for
a phantom limb

I am with him now and probably will be again but
moving on doesn't mean I don't miss you
it only means I'm trying not to

just because I'm all right doesn't mean
I don't wonder how you are
I can still be happy with the existence of a quiet ache

but yes I do
miss you,
I will until the day I can sleep without having to count sheep
I will miss you even if there are no stars in the sky to remind me

I don't think of you but last night I did
the moon was too bright and
I was the only one
who noticed

Love is gorgeous and wisdom sublime,
When they walk hand in hand there is no time,
For it stops, or so it seemed,
And when they kiss we are redeemed.

Love says “don’t hold back, give all you've got.”
Wisdom responds “remember what was once forgot.”
Love laughs she doesn't care about such things,
Wisdom smiles knowing what their pairing brings.

For when he’s absent love get hurt,
And when she’s away wisdom is cruel,
But in coming together they reassert,
The truth, and are no one’s fool.

home in the mirror
appearing nearer

but i'm not driving
or even trying
to turn around

i'm burning down

bridges behind me
all I can see

over my shoulder
looking for closure

the colder and closer
i get to the sea.

Sail away with me on my gigantic whale.
Until the waves ripple and roll and swallow the land.
And in your salted eyes of open ocean,
We'll find a new home upon the blue.

He pretends not to love her
but every time he looks in the mirror
he sees everything he could've had with her

He pretends not to want her
but every time she says 'hi'
he whispers 'i miss you'
at his phone
but sends 'hey'

He pretends not to need her but hes slowly realizing the sweetness she brought to the air was the only thing he was ever willing to live for

He pretends not to remember her
but when he's crying in the shower,
his tears tell him otherwise

He pretends not to dream of her but when he wakes from night terrors and a sweaty brow, he realizes it's her absence haunting him

He pretends not to notice the flowers in his driveway that she planted
three years ago for his mother
and fights the urge to rip them from the ground

He pretends to shut her out but he knows he can never let her go without losing himself in the process

Love her like
She's the raging sea,
Unrestrained and dark and deep.
And you crave her touch
Through aching pores
As you slowly drown in sleep.

Love her like
She's the tender storm,
A lovely shade of grey.
Like with every whiff
Of breath she takes,
She's taking yours away.

Love her like
She's the silent clouds
With calmness floating by.
Like you'd want to make
Sweet love to her
Under the moon's apocalyptic eye.

Love her like
She's the blazing fire,
And you lust the candied pain.
Like she's the disease
That swallowed you whole
And you'd like to die again.

When her gentle touch
Makes your chest explode,
And your addiction is your girl.
Promise you'll love her
Through hell and back,
Or don't you dare love her at all.