1.
Let's install some fail-safes
You have to convince yourself that this is really what you want
If you aren't gay, pretend you are
If you are gay, pretend you're not
I guarantee you will not fall in love

2.
Pick the sweetest person
Someone your parents will approve of
Someone who is so perfect for you that you just don't understand why you're sitting alone right now
If you're not voted cutest couple for the yearbook, you can't possibly be in love, right?
Too many people are watching

3.
Try to love them
Try to give yourself a textbook relationship
Go on dinner dates
And watch scary movies so you can cuddle up together
Argue about why you should definitely pay "because it's romantic"
Blow out the candle when she's not looking

4.
Stop taking off work on Friday nights
It was never going to work, anyway, so why bother getting attached?
When you realize that they love you,
And you are still sitting there alone, that's when your heart breaks
When you realize you can walk away and be unchanged
Because how could you possibly walk away from two entire years with another human being and not feel something
Your heart's going to break anyway, just because it didn't.

"But what if we're wrong?"
It was silent
But her thoughts echoed around in my head as we laid on top of her pickup truck
I swatted at the eighteenth mosquito chewing on my leg
I don't want this to be love

We were tangled up in the acoustic music they play on the radio on Sunday mornings
She was trying to dream up something clever to write about
And I was pretending I could learn to play guitar through osmosis,
As if blending myself in with the harmonies, finding her in every lyric, and sheer willpower would give me wings or at least magic guitar hands

She set the alarm, checked it over and over
She was not going to be late for her first day
I told her I'd be asleep when she got home, she told me she knew
I told her to wake me up

I wasn't looking for perfect
Perfect really only applies in first year physics courses
After that, we learn to fall in love with "rough around the edges" or "unique" or "unfinished"
As if their life is a puzzle that we need to complete
Just so you know, it isn't

She bought me breakfast and dropped me off
She used to tell me she loved me, but I know she didn't
She does now, so she doesn't have to say it anymore
When I said, "love," before, I didn't really mean it
Not like I mean loving the garden on the balcony of her apartment or thunderstorms in May
Even if I was a puzzle that she completed (and I'm not saying that I am), we didn't need any glue to fit perfectly

I wish it is an endless sidewalk
So I can make every step out of it
I wish the rain won't stop
So the droplets will keep touching my skin
I wish the breeze stick around
So I won't stop breathing
I wish the cold wind keep blowing
So it can whisper through my ears
I wish you stay
So I can live forever

frankly,
i miss you

i miss you
i miss you
i miss you

i should forget you
better off without you?
why can't i shake you
i need to forget you

but i don't want to
it's something i can't do
soon i'll unlove you
but right now, i miss you

s.s

with a little tainted rain
you changed your form like
an old sacred statue and
i can’t make out your beautiful features.
or what i thought was.

maybe you were just
meant to be rained on.

maybe those conditions were what
you needed to show your
true self.

I used to write
My secrets in the sand,
Knowing they would never stay
Long enough to be told.

I used to just swim,
pulled my hair up and never
Really tasted the salt that foamed
After the crash.

I've ran in the sand,
Sure, but never have I
Ever let it smooth my
Skin into what it could be.

Before today, I've never
Let the current take me
Under and feel what it's like
To always come back to something.

So I'm supposed to be a grown up now and do grown up things,
Like pay bills and actually go to the gym to do more than look at cute guys.
And I am supposed to find a place to live on my own,
Where I will do groceries and cook meals, healthy meals that are not craft dinner out of the ***.
And I'm going to have to clean everything by myself,
I guess I need to buy cleaning supplies, like a vacuum and toilet cleaner and windex.
And I will work, go to a job everyday,
But it can't just be any job, it has to be something I love because I don't want to be one of those people who hates their job.
And now that I am a grown up I will watch the news,
And shake my head at the politicians and vote.
And my room will always be super organized,
With little boxes for everything and dressers I bought and assembled myself from IKEA.
That's right, I assembled them myself. I may have had to borrow my Dad's tool box but I did it myself.
That's another thing I need to, buy a tool box.
All of these things need to be done now because I am a grown up.
But how am I supposed to be a grown up when I still feel like a kid?

I knew I would
Fall in love with you,
And to me, that is just okay.

I look forward
To falling in love again