Wild wasn't quite the right word,
I don't think there really is one
But here she is, dragging me three steps behind her

My heart tried to tug itself out of my body half the time
But my ribcage held fast
Seriously, this was the worst time and place to be kissing a girl
There were police on either side, and her sign in between us
But our picture made the front page

I didn't know that girls could look this good in dresses
But there she was, long leg peeking through a slit
Long hair gently gracing her shoulder blades with its presence
I was suddenly part of her body
I was in the ballroom, I had her spinning around to the entire orchestra,
Just her and I,
And all I had done was touched her hand

Her toes melted seamlessly into the grass
You couldn't tell where the earth ended and she began
I saw all four seasons on her lips
Like she was falling backwards into a pile of leaves in her best floral dress and sunglasses and scarf
I held the side of her face, gently as if she would crumble at my touch but fly away at her release
All I could see in her eyes was freedom

She was humming in the kitchen, making some sort of fruity frozen iced tea
And I remembered every second I had ever spent with her, all at once
All of the high school dances and the years of "keeping in touch,"
(And all of the years that we didn't...)
I had never felt so genuine as standing there, basking in everything I could have ever wanted
Taking her in as if she might melt and water the flowers with her sincerity
This
Is why we invented kissing

This Stress is killing me
No time to think
No time to breathe

This Stress is stronger than me
Holds me down with chains
Why can't I break free

This Stress

This Stress
It has killed me
No human left
All that remains is machine

Fear is a Gift
It taught me to run
It taught me there are things worse than stress

Fear is a gift
Because when I'm running away from my worries
Because when I'm afraid of what might come

Fear reminds me
I'm still alive
I'm still breathing

Fear is a gift
Because somewhere deep down
Fear reminds me
I'm still human

We were always in a hurry, and never quite sure why
I think we were excited to go to college and "make our own decisions,"
But I really miss when my mother did the grocery shopping
When she made doctor's appointments and did at least most of the laundry
And I miss my father's pickup truck

I was never quite sure if I liked the teacher or the subject
So I had to take lots and lots of classes
By my third year of chemistry, I had some semblance of an idea that I might be on some sort of right track
(That's how we word things in statistics)
But I still eat breakfast every single day with my tenth grade history teacher

So what if we got it wrong the first time
Or the third time
Or the next time
Maybe we misunderstood the meaning of the term "guessing game," but we had nothing to lose
Or maybe we had everything, and we got that all backwards, too
Maybe we wanted to hear them sing for five more minutes before we broke the news that most of them would not grow up to be singers

The lightbulbs exploded in a groaning twinkling sound
Because of all things, I was not in college to be an electrical engineer and I really didn't understand voltage all that well
But I understood catalytic converters so my roommate gained at least some sort of respect for me
She unpacked her graph paper at the same time I unpacked my sketchbooks and we locked eyes for a minute

Our colors are going to look ridiculous at graduation
And then what?

When I die,
When the skin sinks into the ground
Someone could tell you that I used to bite my nails
There are tiny marks on the tips of the bones

More easily seen,
There are deep bruises on my shin bones,
Where I pressed up onto the wall any way that I could my first year of training
All that means is that I got stronger

Perhaps even more obvious are the healed breaks on the toes
Dance class, failed lifts
Bad turns, ill prepared
Proud of those ones

A little more hidden is the damage to my ankles from sickle feet
Or my knees from running
Maybe they would overlook the slight curve in my spine left over from physical therapy

Someone can tell my story
In all the little bits and pieces

He makes
Me feel like
Maybe I was born
In the right time after all

You need minds like me
I've bent over backwards to sculpt a vision of a human being
Some 3D model of a stained glass church window
I see that you've turned me into numbers
How thick and how tall?
How much time did I spend in the library?
But you missed the golden numbers
The ratio of the bones in my fingers which I have so carefully crafted for you
You overlooked the seventy hour work weeks (I was a first responder at a climbing site)
And I'm sure you failed to notice the pictures of my therapy dog on the website I built for you
I keep asking myself what went wrong
What about this wasn't good enough?
You.