these are letters my skin has hidden in codes i don't think anyone could crack,
but you came into my life, day by day figuring out what every page of me meant.
you loved how the ink felt against your fingertips,
you loved the way it rolled off your tongue.
you loved it even more when my mouth tasted of cheap ***** and god knows what.
but when you put the pieces together and the taste of my mouth grew too bitter for you,
you left me, all exposed with secrets let loose.
now how am i ever going to be myself again?
i should've known from the start
Follow me into my dreams, swim in the bed of flowers I’ve built for us, maybe we could look at the stars too and find the secrets you said were hidden in chests of gold. My eyes were your chests of gold, you said. But now that I am awake, I’ve suddenly become an empty box with treasure you no longer want.
It was hypnotizing, the way you looked me in the eyes and swore I was the best thing yet. Your tongue like a blazing fire I couldn’t get enough, touch that never put my heart to rest. Breathless became my second name whenever we were under the sheets, fingers digging into skin, god, I wanted to mark you.
3 am thoughts
heart's beating so loud, I don't want it to stop
I found your T-shirt at the back of my car, hidden underneath the books I’ve read so many times yet couldn’t get rid of because every page reminded me of the way you spoke as though the world was the audience and they were intently watching you go on and on about the way you loved watching the sun set or the rain splash against your window. Your T-shirt smelt of the day you told me you were leaving, cold tears still feeling so warm after the moment you hugged me and said it was for the good, but I never found the good in ‘goodbye’, maybe it was just me stuck in the middle of the night, still wishing upon 11:11, hoping you’d come back
I called you up by 1:02 AM just to hear your drunken words and slurry voice. When you picked up the call, I could hear the music play and my heart beat because anticipation was the only thing flowing in my veins along with the kiss you gave me just for the sake of being nice (I thought it was quite sweet because I still touch my lips every once in a while.) The music kept playing and you began to speak, I thought I felt my ears fill with butterflies and my throat clench with all the oceans I compare the depth of my love to. I listened to you tell me all about your Halloween party and how you said it was all fun because it was the only day you had the chance to be someone else. I still listened even when you told me all about someone else and how broken you felt and there was no party and you were listening to the music all by yourself with your half-finished *****. “Will it be okay if you call me up again by 1:02?” and your voice sort of cracked before I heard your breath and quiet snores.
We sat at the edge of your bed listening to vinyl records of the rolling stones; I thought for a moment we were stuck in the 80’s and were teenagers pretending to fall in love with the last trace of bubblegum flavor on the corner of our mouths and cheap ***** stains on our t-shirts which was a whole mixtape of our reckless youth and belief of love we could only know from books. It was my favourite mixtape anyway.