fleeting moments turn into minutes,
minutes gather into hours,
hours morph into days,
days slowly transform into weeks,
weeks blend to form months,
months accumulate into years,
and yet I am still suffering.
the wounds are still
wide open.
so deep, they expose my withered soul
and the amount of bandaids
still can't cover this gapping hole.
how do i heal?
how do i learn to live in peace
after spending an eternity
at the front line of a war.
a war that i fought alone
against an army who's only purpose
was destroy the flame in my heart.
a flame that you ignited
you created
and yet you left it unattended.
Immersed in flames i watched the world
fall apart.
burning slowly into ash
i let the wind take hold .
i allowed myself to be pushed
and pulled into which ever direction
with out knowing the destination.
still plagued by the simple thoughts of
love
loss
hate
happiness
i watched the flame burn out
i surrendered to a relentless army
i let the wound fester
and i remained silent
as moments transformed in minutes.

a touch
a look
a simple word
causes my whole body to freeze.
a shock wave sent through my body
unable to move
i am not afraid.
i invite this feeling inward and
i allow this emotion to swallow
my soul completely.
i see this light
warm
glowing
eternal
and let my body accept this presence.
i never intend to let this go
i always to want to feel complete
and whole.
for once i feel enough
for once i feel comfortable in my own skin
for once, i have accepted my soul.
as this light fades from my head to my toes
i allow all tension and all fear to
disappear.

gone
dissolved into the dark abyss and yet
i do not regret surrending myself
i feel complete and like all the hurt
was worth it to get to this moment.
i do not need another
i do not crave another
i do not need another to tell me i am good enough.
i need me
my love
my heart
my soul
my acceptance.
for in the end,
once the last word has been said
the last breath has been taken
the only person who will be my side
is me

i totally get it now
to succeed you've got to be liked
to be liked you've got to be seen
to be seen you've got to do good, plant a seed, like a **** it'll grow like a wild virus

but up there in my head
i can't figure out
what it means
to succeed
to begin with
(figure that one out)
and then you'll be seen
and then you'll be liked
and then you would have already succeeded

Lost

as i remove myself
from society
from each passing gaze
and each long-winded status update,
i noticed that i am now an on looker
watching myself
from a distance.
each fleeting moment
with each passing hour,
the thoughts flutter
across my face.
unsure of what to say
or how to feel.
a quick chill
sweeps through my body
causing my mind to notice
each inch
each muscle
each never
that is part of my existence.
i feel my self falling
tumbling down a
dark abyss.
not knowing
what will await me
once i hit the other side.
that is when i see *you

you extend your
long slender arms
hoping to find
my small boney fingers.
the look in your eyes
explains each emotion
you are unable to mention.
it is not sadness or fear
but uncertainty and longing to understand.
you long for
my touch
my love
my kiss
and the assurance that i will never leave.
those dark warm eyes are
like a warm hug that
surrounds my whole body.
even after all this time,
you still amazing me
and yet i remain here.
i remain a hollow corps
that has let it's soul run wild
and constantly forgets
how to live.
i remain

*lost