i think
i loved you
long ago
before i knew
what love was
and something
tells me you
love me now
only because
when i laugh
by his side
you always
turn away and
whenever I
try to approach you
you purposely
run out of things
to say and it
pains my heart
to think that
we were so bad
at getting our timing
right and now the
most we will ever
share is never
sharing our light
i think
i loved you
long ago
and maybe you
did too
but timing is one
hell of a thing
and you still never
said I love you

love is.
giving someone.
the knife.
to stab you.
with your own words.
whispered.
at 3:00 am.
and trusting them.
not to drive.
the knife.
through your back.
or to sharpen.
your words.
into new ones.
to use.
against you.

if our love was like the night sky
maybe it wouldn't feel so much like a bruise
perhaps we could still find the shooting stars
within the blacks and blues

"Look, a star", I said
He replied, "I know, it's beautiful"

I was looking at the sky and he was looking at me

I had no idea
That tasting you
Your lips
Would turn me
That a new world
Would appear
And you would take,
Take me down
And I would never,
Ever come back
Drowned in you
The depth of your soul
The beautiful chasm
Between your thighs
Your thick voice
Warmed my heart
And I would always,
Always remember that

I'm struggling with what it means to be a woman.
Does it mean that I am always in competition to be the top of my species?
Does it mean that I need to be perfect without a single curve out of line in order to find love?
Does it mean that I am only defined when owned by a man?
Does it mean that I can only find purpose in childbirth?
Does it mean that I will forever live in the shadow of men?
Does it mean that I am an object invented solely for a man's pleasure?
Does it mean that I'm forced to confine to gender roles and live in someone else's story?
Does it mean that I'm supposed to accept it when I'm harassed from across the street?
Does it mean that I'm supposed to lie there silent when he puts his hands up my skirt?
Does it mean that I am only worth 77 cents to a man’s dollar?
Does it mean that I am defined by my looks rather than my intelligence?
Does it mean that I will never be capable of holding a major position of power due to my mood swings?
Does it mean that I am defined by how many men I have had *** with?
Or does it mean something else entirely.
It's difficult learning to love being a woman.
Obvious and damaging disadvantages are visible to observers.
We are regarded as second best, property of our man.
We are erased from history, our pain is minimized and forgotten.
We are oppressed and have to fight for our rights.
We are afraid to walk the streets at night, afraid for our lives.
We are harassed without care and without penalty.
We are ***** and murdered for refusing proposals.
We are expected to live on the sidelines as a housewife whose only priority should be her children.
We are expected to keep quiet in situations of domestic abuse.
We are expected to be perfect, and pretty, fresh for a man’s picking.
We can’t even advocate for our own equality without being demonized.
There are times where I wish I wasn’t a woman.
Being a woman comes with innumerable expectations, pressures, and responsibilities.
My existence is not defined by a man, or by the patriarchal expectations that have been placed on me.
I am breaking free of my confinements and I’m not afraid to admit that,
I'm struggling with what it means to be a woman. And that's okay.
//sarahmann