I look up
to the cliff above
sigh
I turned around
and shook my head

I can't
there's no way
even if I climb it
I couldn't get down
the water isn't deep enough
the sides are too steep

So in silence we sat
watching the waves roll in
letting the silence
consume the space between us

Until he said
yeah you really couldn't
I mean maybe I could
but not you

I was taken aback
how dare he say I can't
I could do anything
if I want to

I looked back up
at the perilous slopes
back down
at the waves crashing into sea boulders

And I stood up
grabbed by bags
and started my journey
to the top

Because no fear
would stand in the way
and absolutely no one
could tell me I was incapable

Is falling into love worth it
when you can't swim
and the water is infested with sharks

I know that we can not be
any version of us
will just end with shattered hearts
and missing pieces

I tell myself I am happy
to have a friend like him
someone to share poems with
to share ideas with

I tell my friends
that I don't want to be with him
that it could simply never be
him and I will never work

But every time he leaves
I feel an emptiness
in my chest
a hollow part of me

He fills this void
In a way I have never felt before
and even though I say no
my heart is screaming yes

So I quietly pursue a relationship
I know will destroy me
just so I can feel whole
If only for a minute

I need to write it down
to solidify the facts
him and I have never been
and will never be
each others future

we were each others present
for a while
and oh how your smile
could light up my day
we were good at the now
but never knew what tomorrow
might bring

As his presence fades
our present ceases to exist
but I have to let that go
because we have no tomorrow
all we had was each other
no goals, no plans
eventually the present must become the past
and I must move on

I want to pour my heart out
but he isn't the right person
this isn't the right time
I want to tell you everything
but you know too much already
and you have your own problems

I don't want this to be a one way street
but I have so many thoughts
so much to say
and no one to listen
no one who cares

so I pour my tiny pieces of myself
into everyone I know
just enough so that they
feel like they know me
but not enough that they feel overwhelmed

I feel like a child
dancing around the facts
in the "i like you"
"do you like me?" phase
I don't want to seem immature
but also I can't take things too fast
making it seem like
i'm more into you than you are to me
can we get past this phase already?

I just want to spend time with you
and love you openly and deeply
That is what I am good at
flirting and first dates are what **** me