You let me down every time....
Your judgement destroys whats left of me every time,,,
Instead of letting these tears fall I prefer to smile..
I throw the lamp at you so that I can miss..
I scream so you can tell me to calm down...

I Push you away so you can pull me closer...
To hate you means I once loved you.. I still do.
It hurts to see you everyday and act like I dont care
It hurts that every time I am happy the first person I want to tell is you.

It hurts to love you, every time....
It hurts that everyday I dream about waking up next to you
It hurts that every time you never notice me...
You can be among-st a crowd and I will still find you..
That's because I love you and it hurts , every time...
And finally it hurts to accept that you dont know how I feel

Sitting on the cold roof of your ageing apartment, I could barely find a fresh breath of air while you abused smoke after smoke.

The taste of ***** so crisp on my tongue and yet it was you, that made me feel drunk.

All we could ever hope to have been is uncoiled before us like a python caught in the mid day sun,
laid bare, a naked shame for all to see,
yet in all of this we bask in the warmth of our discovery,
sanctified in our own existence,
parity of the soul and all deeds are done.


© H V Swan

My monsters crushed me
with their unsuspecting weight
hidden deep within the sadness
of my ever changing eyes
I wouldn’t expect most to understand
this constant, pressing heat
that has the power to take away
the beauty of a morning sunrise
But to be alone was what i knew
with secrets i was dying to say
with my burning heart desperate
for you to knee **** me back
to clear skies and brighter mornings
where i'll sing softly to myself
not wanting to speak my thoughts
to another soul, but you.
This perception might be distorted
by feelings and ‘the word’
that has not yet crossed our lips
as if its some sacred creed.
But i am a desperate writer
as many of us are, just
trying to convey thoughts
of a particularly long night,
where all i really want,
is to be next to you.

Did I not deserve one moment of your time?
I stared at the walls, I was crying blind.

You were not there, I had no other.
A sister, a mother, but where was my father?

I wanted to talk, I wanted to grow
I felt betrayed with no place or no home

I was left scared, with no place to turn.
No father to run to, I was feeling astern.

Time passed by, I remembered what mattered,
all of my innocence, all but shattered

I found your headstone many years later,
I cried many tears, I found my father.