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The boxes
which keep my blood clean
are stacked as tall as I,
a monument
in the spare room
to past battles.
Too many words,
too many thoughts
******* in the
hand-to-hand combat
with mortality.

No more.

What life I have
will not be defined
by an indeterminate end.

I live to write poems;
I will no longer die in them.
Camus knows.
 Feb 2018 harlon rivers
Ciel Noir
What other kind              of creature could divide        
        Each different thing             into its different sides                
  With chaos versus             order, dark and light
The stark duality of         wrong and right
We even split the very        world in two
With human versus human,       we and you
But still no matter how much      we divide
Each thing has infinitely many      sides
 Feb 2018 harlon rivers
The Noose
Sometimes

Clutching the guts of life
Burning an effigy of former selves
All this raw fervour pulsating
Through and through
To want the blood dark
The alchemy of madness

Sometimes

Delicate, illuminating
Neither gentleness nor fragility
But grace
The unruffled color of pearl
How are you both these women?
i held a life in my hands today
and tried to give it back
but could not
she had fallen too high
into the light
and my breath fell short
perhaps she paused
perhaps she knew
i see her face again
when she was young
when she was who she was
and it will always be there
framed in light
pure as breath
alive with the promises
of youth
several years ago I was called to a room where a woman had stopped breathing. I started CPR...first time I had ever done it...and continued until the emt's arrived. they zapped her with the defib and got a heartbeat. I've never spoken to her. I wrote this before I realized she had survived a long period of rehab.
Smoking butts from ashtrays
And twice-cooked coffee grounds,
Bumming coins from my neighbors
And searching for change on the ground.
Mayonnaise sandwiches daily
And buying ramen by the case
I switched from Coke to iced tea.
I like the difference it makes.

Being poor is a decision I made
It affects virtually everything I do.
It took away some of my decisions
And life is suddenly quite new.

I lay my shirts and pants out flat
Between box springs and mattress.
I’m learning how to cook for myself
And to do better laundry I confess.
I use my friend’s laundry room
And bless him every time I do.
It’s a lovely thing he does for me
So I try hard to reciprocate too.

Being poor really teaches me
What is necessary in my life.
I learned I can survive quite nicely
Using a McDonald’s plastic knife.

I don’t have cable or a cell phone.
I walk and take whatever bus is near.
When I need something like socks
I scrounge and play things by ear.
I go to second hand stores a lot
And yard sales with my few dollars.
And yes, my clothes are getting sad
My shirts have rather fuzzy collars.

Being poor became my choice
When I realized I didn’t have skills.
I catch whatever jobs I can now.
I sure hope poverty doesn’t ****.
I’m sliding down the ladder of life
Doing the Jacob thing in reverse.
Most of the people I meet now
Are either medical doctors or a nurse.
I’m in that phase where my hearing
Is about as good as my vision.
I don’t walk all that well at all
Due to my aging condition.

That’s the way things sometimes go
You might be clueless or you might know.
There may be signs so you can guess
Or you may find yourself a total mess.

Looking back over who I have been,
Like most of the young, I didn’t forsee
Or take much to heart the chances
That things like this would happen to me.
I thought myself invulnerable and
Incapable of ever growing old
Callously heeding no elders’s words
I simply refused to be told.

I thought the warnings I heard
Were from some clueless wags
And burned candles at both ends
Until the wick began to sag.

Now the creamy sooth skin,
Or what version I once ever had,
Begins to betray with brown spots,
And I admit it once made me mad.
But I have managed to accept
Many of the shortcomings of tomorrow.
It’s the loss of mobility I dislike;
That delivers me so much sorrow.
It’s 6am on an early Spring morning
The temperature is warm but brisk
An ever so gentle breeze kisses me from time to time
The beautiful chirps and whistles
from the proverbial early birds
sing in a beautiful chorus
A harmony seemingly made just for me

The trees and bushes; Glowing moms and dads to-be
of the sprouted buds
on the verge of delivering
their new beauty
The pansies arriving on the early train
are on full display
proudly standing with visibility for all
Tulips dance around them
surrounding them in a rainbow of colors
A whisper of lilac is in the air
Though ever so soft and subtle
it’s aromatic scent so pleasantly distinguishable

Morning dew
A ubiquitous presence
It blankets all in it’s life-giving properties
and releases the crisp and clean odor
of fresh cut grass

The scent of burning wood
from the neighbor’s wood burning stove
dives in and out
teasing my nostrils and passageways
with it’s delectable offerings

The Sun pierces the sky
with a fire red so dark and deep
it almost seems in anger
But I know better
For added to that fire
are the oranges like that of freshly squeezed juice
and yellows
as if a child took a crayon to the sky
All of this encompassed
within a soft cloud of violets and blues
The rainbow decided to take it’s cans of paint
and gush them out all across the sky
in exuberant glory
just so I could see

The gentle kisses delivered by soft breezes
give me a chill of excitement
and make my hairs stand on end
The familiar little bumps
running all along my arms and neck

The Sun fires back in retaliatory manner
with laser beam streaks
Striking me dead center
placing a glow upon me
Much like love
The Sun can be millions of miles away
and I can still feel it’s warmth

I stop and take it all in
Nature in all it’s beauty
****** and pristine
Calm
Peaceful
Quiet
I close my eyes
and make this moment
infinite
Written: February 25, 2018

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