Beloved,
In what other lives or lands
Have I known your lips
Your Hands
Your Laughter brave
Irreverent.
Those sweet excesses that
I do adore.
What surety is there
That we will meet again,
On other worlds some
Future time undated.
I defy my body's haste.
Without the promise
Of one more sweet encounter
I will not deign to die.

Your skin
felt so warm
against mine,

every inch of me collapsed,
my insides dissolved
into nothing but molten pleasure

Your being
was the key to
the unleashing of my spirit,
the tear of my innocence,
the flame

to an ice cold soul

I could be anywhere in this world,
in the midst
of a sea of people,
surrounded by white noise

But I'd never miss
the sound of your voice
calling my name.

My heart aches without you
in my life.
  
The way you call my name
is music
to my ears.

It's like Rupi Kaur says,
"You should have known."
You should have seen me
as a candle,
you should have felt
me as a flame.
You should have never
tried to hold me,
should have never
changed my name.
I was never merely embers,
I was always made
for pain.

He sees me as a candle
soft and light and
smelling sweet.
Or he sees me as
a wild fire and he
marvels at my heat.
He's the wind and so
he tests me
and I
burn out or I rage.
He's the wind and so
I need him,
to clear away the haze.

He can quench the
flicking candle,
he can feed the
blazing flare.
He can touch me
without burning -
I can't breathe without
his air.

Praying to almighty, powerful Gods
Begging for mercy,
Their strength, their magic to wash all over me
Change me.

Why am I like this.
Why was I born different?
Why do I feel like I am
Faking it,
Lying.
Trapped under a deep tidal wave
Refusing to gasp for oxygen
But I continue keeping myself under
For the oxygen refuses to enter my lungs,
For the fear that I will forever
embrace
the warmth of my own body
And fuse into the darkness of
The shattered,
The abused,
The sharp shards
of broken hearts,
Infinitely unable to mend again

I stepped outside and all I see is the air you left behind
The candy bars we used to eat

I close my eyes and all I see are phosphene colors
The feelings broken down in a kaleidoscope