Hope you find the happiness you've been pretending to have

I Remember how the party was clear as day
Sneaking out and looking to fade away
Lighting a cigarette with red wine
(Pabst Blue Ribbon on ice)
Sweet sixteen and she had arrive
Fixing her dress as she whispered hi, hi
Never knew how she made it so far
Teachers said she'd never make it out alive
There she was my new best friend
casual smoke filled the festive air
While she starts to laugh, holding her shaded lipstick in her other hand
Oh Ana, how I love those guys

no one ever taught me to feel
only to never do it aloud
im always surrounded by those
too busy to help me
but love to see me smile
i never understood
why people want
not work
until i felt real hurt
and slept
while everything got worse
my pain came mailed to my place
with no return address
it clung to me so tight
im forced to call it mine
violating my body
but never tying the knot
making difficult to know
whats real or whats not
the river refuses to drown me
just forces me to float along
passing by many sights
that may or may not be home
feeling adult pain
before i could sign a lease

You don't stay when I'm sad
because I shouldn't be bringing you down.
I stay with you
as you threaten me with your life,
as you abuse me,
as you suffocate me with guilt,
because if I truly loved you then I would do everything for you.
I would drop everything I have,
risk my life,
when you wouldn't do the same.
You disguise your manipulative threats
so all I see is a tortured soul who needs a constant.
I'm drowning right now but you just let me.
I need someone to share my pain with.
Someone to love me
because I'm just as broken as you.